Your Fratoscope: March 10, 2019
on March 10, 2019 at 1:44 am
If your birthday is this week: After Tony DiGerolamo’s birthday last week, your birthday week pales in comparison.
Aries: The stars say, “Never let a stranger with a foot fungus borrow your toothbrush.”
Taurus: You’ll plug in your phone drunk and realize the next morning you spent all night recharging a piece of toast.
Gemini: You’ll wind back your clock too far and end up in the 1880’s.
Lemini: This week, although you’re the one that gets kicked in the crotch, somehow you end up apologizing.
Cancer: An elephant will steal your Pop Tarts and destroy your kitchen in the process.
Leo: You’ll get baked in a bookstore and convince yourself you’re studying at Hogwart’s.
Virgo: Your YouTube channel featuring bums jousting with shopping carts shuts down after Sir Collects-Cans-A-Lot starts his own channel.
Libra: You’ll invent a new milkshake flavor called “Extra Chunky Chocolate Blue Cheese”.
Scorpio: You’ll bang the wrong meter guy and get a very high electric bill.
Sagittarius: You’ll discover that telling your insurance company that the Kool-Aid man broke through the wall of your house isn’t a way to get paid quickly.
Capricorn: Your doctor advises you to stop making YouTube videos where you eat nothing but mayo.
Aquarius: You’ll realize that your alarm clock’s been going off for two years and you’ve just been tuning it out.
Pisces: You’ll be beaten by girl scouts for posting criticism of Captain Marvel.
