Your Fratoscope: March 24, 2019
on March 24, 2019 at 12:06 amIf your birthday is this week: Your friends will email you and tell you all about your birthday party.
Aries: Daring the cops to taze you, turns out to be a bad day for you, but a fun day for the cops.
Taurus: Your Pokemon Go game leads you into a dark alley where you’ll beaten and robbed by Bulbasaur.
Gemini: The IRS will in form you that your porn subscriptions are not a useable write-off.
Lemini: The demon you summon not only doesn’t make you rich, but insists that your girlfriend came on to him.
Cancer: Hiring ex-newspaper boys for your beer delivery service turns out to be a bad idea.
Leo: You will embark and an epic journey shortly after examining a catapult.
Virgo: You put too much yeast in your bread and it gets up and runs out of the house.
Libra: The stars say, you should walk a mile in another man’s shoes because your shoes are horrible and anything would be an upgrade at this point.
Scorpio: Turns out, your grocer doesn’t know which vegetable is the best to microwave and have sex with.
Sagittarius: You will be visited by three ghosts and all of them won’t stop talking about the Mueller report.
Capricorn: You’ll be molested by a massage chair at the mall.
Aquarius: You’ll discover that tipping the pizza guy gets you more toppings, but he keeps them in his pocket.
Pisces: You plan to get buff is unrealistic because getting bit by a radioactive Dwayne Johnson is probably not going to happen.