Your April Fools Fratoscope
on March 31, 2019 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: You find out that you haven’t been pranked for your birthday, no one remembered.
Aries: You will find Robert Mueller burying the real report in your backyard because Trump is even more innocent that one.
Taurus: No one wants to join your Facebook group dedicated to Instagram Denial.
Gemini: Your puppets come to life and form a union, but you can’t afford their pension plan so you throw them in a dumpster.
Lemini: The stars say, you should put better pictures on Tinder and ones of yourself.
Cancer: You’ll punch way too many people in the buffet line at the wedding reception.
Leo: You’ll discover that there’s radioactive wasted buried under your tomato garden because the tomatoes will tell you.
Virgo: Twitter determines that your account has been triggering people and deleting it will solve all its problems.
Libra: A group of cowboys will sue you for copyright infringement for moseying in public.
Scorpio: Joe Biden refuses to give you a creepy massage unless you shower first.
Sagittarius: Your escort and a pizza business is shuttered by the cops after one week, but you use the ten million dollars you make to stay out of jail.
Capricorn: Your kid tells you that he would’ve won the Science Fair with his mini volcano, but Tommy Lee Jones burst into the room and smashed it to pieces.
Aquarius: Your future self arrives to tell you that you will finish the time machine and to start exercising, so you smash your half built time machine.
Pisces: You’ll trick your horoscope readers by posting actual horoscopes instead of fake ones.