Your Fratoscope: October 8, 2017
on October 8, 2017 at 1:37 am
If your birthday is this week: You win that game of Russian Roulette, but then won’t have anyone else to play with.
Aries: You pizza will arrive early, but in the wrong shape.
Taurus: The stars say, your socks wouldn’t smell like butter if you didn’t keep using them to smuggle flapjacks into class with them.
Gemini: Your robot will gain sentience and then get it’s own apartment all the while assuring you it’s the robot and not you.
Lemini: Your cock ring will fall off at the worst possible time.
Cancer: This week, you’ll use up all your data emailing memes that no one reads.
Leo: The religious holiday you made up to get out of work, causes your boss to convert this week.
Virgo: A group of very lazy highwaymen will rob you at the Burger King drive thru.
Libra: You’ll be pelted by donuts on three different ocassions this week.
Scorpio: Despite your weekend, the doctor will be able to repair your butthole.
Sagittarius: You’ll drink a beer with the least famous member of KISS.
Capricorn: Your best friend will be outed as a Brony.
Aquarius: They save room for you in the lifeboat, but only because you look the most delicious.
Pisces: You will finally get a date, but not from a dating site, plus you’ll have to buy all your date’s old furniture and give them a good seller’s rating.
