Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:   You will discover that the iPad you bought in that truck stop is actually just a shiny clipboard.

Aries:   While eating peanut butter you’ll bump into someone with deviled eggs.  Turns out, it’s not two great tastes that taste great together.

Taurus:   The stars say, change your oil.

Gemini:   This week, Santa will deliver your gifts explaining that he just got out of rehab.

Lemini:    Liam Neeson will stop you on the street and demand to know if you’ve seen “The Grey” yet.  You’ll tell him yes, but that’s a lie.

Cancer:    You will be mugged by a very sensual mugger.  He’ll take your money, but you’ll feel relaxed and smell like lilacs.

Leo:   You will discover why the discount massage parlor is so cheap, right in the middle of your happy ending you’ll hear someone from behind the mirror say, “Zoom out!”

Virgo:   You will find true love in a pet store, but few people will understand your insatiable iguana love.

Libra:   Your skiing trip will end tragically when the people you’re with vow to take you again.

Scorpio:   You will have another birth control close call.  Fortunately, the abortion doctor just forgot to turn on his “open” sign.

Sagittarius:   Your suggestion of “Mascot Costumes Friday” is approved at work.  Nice job.  Now if only you could afford a Philly Phanatic costume.

Capricorn:  You will be pulled over by a cop.  He’ll show you this really funny video on his iPhone.

Aquarius:    You will be the supermarket’s 1,000,000th customer and to show their appreciation, they’ll let you use the only shopping cart with four working wheels.

Pisces:   You wife will discover her old Casio keyboard and you will rediscover that you have no musical talent.