Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:   You drone hits the wrong target.  April Fool!  That orphanage was full of terrorists too.

Aries:  You will look great in that bikini this summer.  April Fool!

Taurus:  When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you won’t be the third person bitten.  April Fool!  You’ll be the second!

Gemini:  You will post an opinion on the Internet that people won’t think is trite and uninteresting.  April Fool!  You don’t have opinions.

Lemini:  The stars say, you’ll have an awesome day where you continue to go on living.  April Fool!

Cancer:  This week, you’ll have consensual sex with a gorilla.  April Fool!  It’ll be a rhino.

Leo:  You will be calling your insurance company after a flood washes away your house.  April Fool!  You can’t call anyone when you’re trapped on a roof in the ocean.

Virgo:  You will finally talk to that girl you like.  April Fool!  You’ll be too afraid to saying anything since you’re hiding in her closet.

Libra:  You will discover a snake living in your bed.  April Fool!  You’re homeless.  You don’t have a bed!

Scorpio:   You recycle bin will be full of old dildos this week.  April Fool!  Your dildos aren’t recyclable.

Sagittarius:  Your pizza will be 5 minutes late and therefore, free!  April Fool!  An angry pizza delivery guy will bitch slap you until you give him a $50 tip.

Capricorn:  Your roommate will steal that six pack you put in the fridge.  April Fool!  He’s can’t do that.  He’s across campus boning you girlfriend.

Aquarius:  You’ll get fired from your job.  April Fool!  You got fired a year ago and you can’t get fired from unemployment for another year!

Pisces:  Your sushi will not be fresh for lunch this week.  April Fool!  It totally will!