Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  What good’s a prediction when you’ll probably end up black out drunk and not rememberin’ anything?  You’ll be drunk!

Aries:  You’ll go to bed with a fine lookin’ redhead, but wake up with a Great Dane in a Ronald MacDonald’s wig.

Taurus:  Boyo, that beer bong’s not a beer bong, you’re drunk and it’s a vomit-filled vuvuzela.

Gemini:  The stars say, it’s almost time to plant your potatoes, so ya better move that body now.

Lemini:  Your Shamrock Shake will be full of boogers.

Cancer:  It turns out, on your trip to Ireland, you kissed the Barney Stone.  Now the only gift you get is the gift to steal Fred’s Fruity Pebbles.

Leo:  The road will not rise to meet ye, but ye will fall flat on yer face ye wee drunk.

Virgo:  You will read this part in a normal accent, but ye will read this bit in an Irish accent, lad!

Libra:  Your Irish Coffee will actually be Italian and taste like it’s full of oregano.

Scorpio:  Sex with a leprechaun doesn’t bring ya a pot o’ gold, but a rash in the shape of a four leaf clover.

Sagittarius:  Some Irish squirrels break into your house.  You’ll find them passed out drunk in your bag of almonds.

Capricorn:  The Spirit of St. Patty visits you this night and takes you out for beers, but beats the shit out of you in an alley after an argument.

Aquarius:  Your drunken Irish Dad won’t sing this song with you, but he will buy you Guinness.  Close enough.

Pisces:  You’ll finally catch a leprechaun, but all the wee lad has left is expired Famous Dave’s coupons.