Super Frat

Hey, bros.  Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is actor, Ethan Suplee of My Name is Earl fame.  You might also remember him from the Kevin Smith movies as the fat guy.  I actually met Ethan on the set once.  He seemed like a nice guy and I was glad to see his career take off.

I wanted a contestant that was Christmas-related and since we couldn’t get Santa, I figured he was the closest thing.  Let’s see how Ethan stacks up on the tweets.

Dude, over a million followers?!  Nice!

December 16th, 8:53pm: “Mistletoe: $5. Wreath $30. Attempting to explain “shopping for others” to your kids while at the mall: priceless…or, incredibly expensive.”

It’s always funny trying to separate the actor from the character.  I always imagine him as, not Randy, but some kind of near-Randy.  I know that’s stupid, but he plays the part so well, it’s hard not to.  And then to hear he has a family is like, “Wait, Randy has a family?”

December 16th, 11:13pm: ““I see where you’re going with this and I’m telling you that if the universe is infinite then somewhere fairies exist!” #shitisayasadad”

That’s a new one, I’ll have to check that out.  Although it’s probably not as dirty as shitmydadsays.

December 17th, 2:12am: “The UN were planning new taxes, They wanted control of the masses, Better hold your breath, There is no free air left”

Song lyric?  *google-google-google*  Nope, don’t see it.

December 17th, 2:13am: “Global warming was caused by our asses”

No offense, but wouldn’t that make you more to blame, Ethan?

December 17th, 5:31pm: “At a school potluck, I don’t love the idea of “luck” being part of eating other peoples food.”

That’s exactly why I stopped going to “bring your own” restaurants.  I can’t carry a whole restaurant by myself.

December 17th, 7:01pm: “Grace claims that she DID wash her hands…before she stuck them in the toilet and apparently I hadn’t told her NOT to do that…”

That’s ironclad kid logic, Ethan.  Better consult her teddy bear to get a ruling.

December 18th, 12:05am: “Watching The Brooklyn Heist on iTunes…really I’m just too lazy to find my tv’s remote. Follow suit & give it a 5 star rating too! Thanks!”

Why?  I don’t see you on the cast list?  Is it good?

December 18th, 10:12pm: ““You scumbag you maggot, You cheap lousy faggot, Happy christmas your arse I pray god it’s our last.” -The Pogues #holidaymusic”

Now that’s definitely a song lyric.

December 19th, 12:05pm: “My kids are giving me a lesson in Christmas spirit, apparently it will come and haunt me because of my poor behavior.”

Sure.  It could screw up your kids and then you’ll be paying for it forever.

December 19th, 4:28pm: “This just in, Parson Brown detained for fireside conspiracy to wed same sex couple in winter wonderland. #WhatHolidaySpirit”

Bah-dum-dum!  Keesh!  Thank you!  He’ll be here all week!  Try the veal!

December 20th, 12:34am: “Pick it up like it’s cooled off a bit.”

I have no idea what you’re saying.  You realize it’s a one way text, right Ethan?

December 20th, 3:07pm: “Helping my wife get ready for her annual “kids crafts Christmas party.” Sugary substances have all been laid out, now on to the restraints.”

She’s never going to be able to cook anything with those restraints on.  I’d let her go.

December 20th, 10:15pm: ““The party’s over, a cd’s skipping, it’s the same hook repeating, grows more grating with each passing second…” -Against Me!”

If this were the 80’s, I’d bet he’d leave this on his answering machine.

December 21st, 1:46am: “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man…rested. I wish there was a way incorporate finance and education into sleep.”

Well, if you weren’t a famous actor, I’d tell you to sign up for a sleep study.  That would do it.

December 21st, 1:40pm: ““Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.” -Anton Chekhov”

Quoting Chekhov now?  We don’t really think you’re Randy, Ethan.  Of course, I guess it’s good to fight the image.

13 hours ago: “I suspect all mall Santas to some degree of lasciviousness. When my kid refused to sit on one’s lap, with pride I gave her a knowing nod.”

Well, they’re usually piss poor employees.  Of course, if you really feel that way, why bring her at all?  Plus won’t she have nightmares about him slipping into your house?

4 hours ago:  ““Dear Kids, I meant to get you lots of toys but the mall was so crowded I never made it inside. Sincerely, Dad.” #ItsTheThoughtThatCounts”

Oh, now I see.  Oh, Twitter, so many widgets.  I can barely keep up with them all.  You are way more Twitter-savvy than me, my friend.

Okay, let’s rate Ran—  er, I mean, Ethan.  He’s kind of low key, but he does have kids, so I give him a 6 for Insanity.  His tweets do have info and quotes, so a 6 for Style as well.  And he updates regularly, although sometimes confusing to me, so a 6 for Mustness.  That’s a straight up 6 Overall for Ethan.  Worth a follow.  Continued success, Ethan.

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