Bros:

I had plenty of embarrassing moments in my life and many of them in college.  Fortunately, digital cameras were still years away, so the recorded evidence is scant at best.  Like you, I laugh at others pain to feel better about myself.  Let’s laugh together, shall we?

10: Captain Michigan is sad.

9: Nice toe.  What did you tattoo to your lungs?  Sneakers?

8:  This guy liked his girlfriend so much, he brought her to the DMV.

7: Dude, you’re freaking me out.

6: I don’t know what these girls are doing, but its awesome and totally worth getting kicked off your local school board years later when it surfaces.

5: Toe guy, I have to apologize for my earlier post.

4: Flaming hat guy, you are mighty in the face of danger.

3:  Wakey-wakey.

2: Damn.  I must’ve left my wallet in my other drunk.

1:  Don’t look too close at this one, it will hurt your eyes.

I’m sorry.  I can’t end on this picture.  Here’s something to get it out of your mind.

Ahhh, much better.

Bros:

We scoured the tubes of the Internets to bring you this top ten video list of sexy accidents.  Many are not safe for work, but then again what is these days?  Enjoy.

10:  Sloppiness can get you into trouble.  Sexy trouble.

9: Strippers are always hot, but not always graceful.

8: No laughing now.  It’s unprofessional.

7: I don’t know if this driver was sexy, but she’s definitely funny.

6: This video is only sexy in the beginning, then its gross.

5: Good thing she wasn’t washing a bus.

4: Let’s make a water slide!  In a tiny kitchen!

3: In any language, “sexy dumbass” translates.

2: Hey cutie.  Why not break your pelvis back at my place?

1: Now this is a webcam girl I’d pay to watch.

Bros:

Our friend, Mr. Nova, has returned to the Internet.  Mr. Nova’s blog is mandatory reading here at the frat house.   Get to it!

Bros, the media is like a snake eating its own tail.  It’s stupid and it’s very, very hungry.  So ravenous in fact, that we here at the Frat House decided that we had to get in front of this media train or get run over by it.  That’s right bros.  Myspace is dead.  Facebook is the new myspace and soon, facebook will be myspace.  But right now, Twitter is the new myspace.  A piece of media designed to appeal to our ever-shrinking attention spans.  I know, I lost you already because blogging is so 2006.  So let’s get to it before you click on more Asian porn.  It’s time to over-analyze this new media because no one else has and we just happen to be friends with one of the funniest guys you could ever meet: Raven Gregory.

Ravengregory, however, is on twitter.  Fifty years ago, getting on the airwaves and spewing these streams of consciousness would’ve gotten you a one-way trip to the looney bin, but today, for the 52 seconds it takes you to read this, Raven is famous.

Dec. 23, 2008, 10:41 pm:  “I just had high school sex with my wife. It took ever ounce of imaginations on both our parts but it was so worth it. Getting old blows.”

Here, Raven undermines the one cool thing that happened to him on the 23rd.  But to him, it’s not about the sex, it’s a statement onthe human condition.  Struggling against the inevitable!

Dec. 23, 2008, 11:08 pm: “And I binged today. Gained back 6 fucking pounds in one day. I am weak willed. Should be overfed like someone in a Fincher film.”

Raven eats alot.  I’ve seen him order two full meals, with sides and chow down.  But note the self-loathing.  He feels bad about it.  Then he mentions “a Fincher film” as if Fincher had made only movies like Se7en.  I guess that’s just the one Raven has seen or likes.  I mean, he also made Fight Club.  Do these guys look overfed?

Dec. 24, 2008, 10:39 am: “@TonyDiGerolamo Ah, young grasshopper. You are not yet in years to understand the complexitity of long term married life.”

My bro, Raven, always looking out for me.

Dec. 24, 2008, 10:22 pm: “Less than four hours and Santa is getting his ass jacked and I’m coming up on a brand new flat screen 42 screen tv. Yup.”

What’s crazier in this sentence?  That Raven wants to mug the most generous fictional character ever created, that he thinks the same said character can carry a sack full of 42″ TV’s or that he has a specific time to mug him?

Dec. 27, 2008, 4:39 am: “Another sign of getting old. Was watching some drive by porn. Saw the deco in the background and thought, hey, I like the interior design.”

This is definitely a 4am post.  What the Hell is “drive by porn”?  Did he drive by another person’s house who was watching porn and watch that?

Dec. 27, 2008, 6:07 pm: “Just in Beranek was found overdosed on hemophrodite midgit porn wearing granny panties stolen from garage sale in Hollwood. May have crabs”

There is a porn theme running here.  14 hours later and he’s still talking about porn.  Who really overdosed on hermophrodite midgit porn, Raven?  Hmm?

Dec. 27, 2008, 8:57 pm:  “Just got done shaving my mangina bald. Will now paint elephant ears near the top to sell the illusion of my massive trunk.”

And now the train leaves the tracks and we get some really primo Ravengregory twitter.  This is what thousands of years of civilization and technology has led us: so that Ravengregory can talk to the world about shaving his junk.

Dec. 30, 2008, 3:55 am:  “Had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed I awoke in an alternative dimension and all the people were clones of Christina Beranek. + I was an underage Thai-girl that didn’t understand that “blow job” had nuthin to do with the vasaline soaked candles held in their hands.”

Here’s the amazing thing about Raven.  He’s a writer, yet, he’ll still write something like “vasaline soaked” at 4am.  You can’t soak candles in vaseline, but Raven’s not one of those anal-retentive, grammar Nazis that will let something like the physics of sticking a solid candle into the jelly center of a jar of Vaseline stop him from twittering.

Dec. 31, 2008, 3:22 am:  “Spent the night getting beat up by an eight year old at wrestling. Video games are no longer for me.”

Poor Raven, he’s getting old.  But not too old that he can’t type on his mobile phone about whatever he’s doing.

All right, so how do we review Raven’s twittering?  Let’s break it down like this:  We’ll rate everyone for their Style, how much Insanity they bring to the airwaves, the “Mustness” of their posts (ie how badly you have to read them) and, finally, an overall average representing, from 1 to 10 just how badly they are contributing to the degredation of human communication.

(Raven, pictured above.  Don’t forget to check out his comics at Zenescope.)

Keeping in mind, I am friends with Raven, I have to give him a 7 on Style (because he can be kinda crude), a 9 for Insanity (well, just go back and read), a 10 for Mustness (I’m totally hooked), which gives him an overall Twitter in Focus rating of  8.67.

If you have someone to nominate for Twitter in Focus, twitter TonyDiGerolamo

Bros:

2008 was the Year of Wonderment.  2009 is the Year of Big Adventure.  We’re still working on that secret project I told you about earlier this year.  It’s still on and someday, I hope to tell you all about the in and out’s of 2008’s roller coaster ride.  But for now, we look forward.

Yes, that forward.  2009 promises to be something big.  If not big, then something very expensive.  And if not expensive, then probably pretty cool, at least until the cops put a stop to it.   Happy 2009 bros.  Party well.

And if you can’t party well.

Remember, 2009 you can make a fresh start by looking forward…to boobs.

2009!  It’s going to be big!

Bros:

As we finish a new year, it’s time to look back and reflect upon the Internet and the bounty we all reap from it every day.  We scoured Google Images to bring you the sickest pics of 2008.  Enjoy.

10: Sickest Sign:  This dude is mad.  Mad at lots of things, but apparently not fonts.

9: Demotivational Posters:  Click the one below for a bunch of great ones including:

8: Well, I know where I’m NOT going after winning the Super Bowl.

7: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

6: Cubs fans, this one’s for you.

5: Election pics, it’s a tie:

4: Worst tattoo ever…

3: Hands down, the sickest bong I’ve ever seen.  Even Mistah Shit was impressed.

2: McDonalds, I’m, uh, never mind…

1:  Holy tap dancing Jesus, Anna Farris looked amazing in House Bunny.

And a video bonus here!

Hey bros:

Yours truly doesn’t normally make excuses for missing a post, but—  Between the holidays, catching the flu and buying a new house, I missed today’s post.  I do, however, have a new house.  Me and the missus closed today after six hour ordeal.  Many thanks to cousin Jennifer at the title agency and Betsy our realtor.  I am officially moving out of the boondocks and back to the civilized suburbs where I belong.

Don’t miss the final Dick Masterson strip this week and more strips and post to follow.  But today, just this once…I sleep!

I’ll admit that I went into Valkyrie expecting to have to hold my sides from laughing so hard at Tom Cruise with an eye patch.  I mean, look at that.  Rumor has it the test audiences were laughing at the trailer and that director Bryan Singer went back and added scenes before Col. Von Cruise loses his eye.

That being said, Valkyrie isn’t all that bad and most of what’s bad isn’t Cruise’s fault.  The character he is playing is Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, the man that came damned close to assassinating Hitler.  He’s a fascinating figure and shares a lot in common with Tom Cruise, so you can see why he wanted to play him.  Stauffenberg was strikingly handsome, a talented guy, an alpha male and like Cruise, who is part of the Hollywood aristocracy, was a German Count.  Look at how much they even look alike.

But the movie goes wrong almost from the get-go.  (Spoilers)  In the opening scene, Cruise as Stauffenberg, is writing a letter and the voice over is in German.  It sounds like Cruise doing the accent and it’s decent.  Cruise strikes me as the kind of actor that would spend eight months speaking nothing but German if he had to, to get down his accent.  But almost immediately, it dissolves into English.  And even though Cruise is a really talented actor, Cruise in English just sounds like Tom Cruise and from then on its hard to see him as anything else than a guy in a costume.  One of the scenes in the movie that’s actually true is when Stauffenberg tells his new assistant that he’s in the midst of committing high treason.  Point blank he asks him to join him and he does.  This actually happened, but with Tom Cruise delivering the lines it feels more like a “Cruisism”.  Some needless bravado added to make the actor look cool.  Most audiences are not going to get the feeling that Stauffenberg was actually that ballsy.

In Singer’s defense, the movie doesn’t suffer from lags or get over embroiled in details.  I guess what it suffers from is the lack of details.  Characters that were eliminated from the plot include Stauffenberg’s two brothers and the Grey Fox, Erwin Rommel.  The latter of whom was given the choice of drinking poison or having he and his family executed.  Rommel didn’t actually participate in the plot, but knew about it and never warned Hitler.  Hitler tightened his grip on the German government after that, replacing all the key military posts with Nazi loyalists.

(No, not these kind of Nazi loyalists.)

But even if you add all that, you don’t get a real sense of why the Germans followed Hitler up to this point.  Part of the problem is, in most movies Nazis are nothing but moving targets for our heroes.  In this movie, it’s crucial that we learn more about Stauffenberg and why he followed Hitler as long as he did.  Read this encyclopedia entry for Stauffenberg.   Interesting stuff, but most of it is not in the movie.  Instead, Singer focuses on the events around the assassination attempt, which weren’t all that interesting.  Basically, Stauffenberg waltzed in, left a bomb in a briefcase and got out before it exploded.  Hitler was saved because he was crazy and crazy ol’ Hitler moved the meeting out of the bunker because it was hot.  Had the bomb exploded in the bunker, the air pressure would’ve killed everyone.  Had Stauffenberg placed the bomb on the opposite side of the large oak table Hitler was standing next to, it would’ve killed him.  And, had Stauffenberg managed to get the second bomb in place, it probably would’ve killed him.

But big deal.  We know going into it, Hitler doesn’t die from the assassination.  What we need to know is how did Stauffenberg, a guy with balls of steel, manage to almost pull it off.   What drove him to defy, as a German officer, Hitler during the height of his power?  Also, you don’t get much of a sense of what Hitler did to guys who resisted.  I guess Singer assumes most people will just remember that Nazis are really bad.  But, if he’s relying on his audience’s memories of Nazis, most of them are movie memories.  And movie Nazis are, for the most part, heartless, evil tools of oppression for Indiana Jones to foil and shoot.  What we needed to see is how the Nazis were the German people in power, not the entire German people.  I think it would’ve been a better movie had it centered around the life of Stauffenberg, the rise of the Nazis, his eventual downfall and less on Count Von Cruise shouting orders to other actors.

I give this movie 5 kegs out of 10.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Bros!

I got a new Xbox for the frat house and I couldn’t be happier.  Especially that this game is now available.

It’s going to be a Merry Xmas when I get this bad boy hooked up, bros.  A big thank you to the missus for scoring me the Xbox.  And speaking of houses, this year may see yours truly in his very own frat house.  (In 2009, I may actually have an opinion about property taxes.  They’re too high!)

Speaking of high, we lost some of our old Senor Cactus and Mistah Shit posts from the Silent Devil site.  But not to worry, I still have them archived on the PC.  And speaking of Silent Devil, you’d make Brother Hollywood’s Christmas very merry if you click and purchased a copy of the Super Frat: Rush Week Collection if you haven’t already.  It’s only sale for only $2.50 for a limited time.  Also available, the Super Frat T-shirts and other merchandise.  Feel free to dump some Christmas wad our way.  We’ve got lots of beer to buy during the 2009 year.

Christmas time also means movie time for our Jewish bros!  Lots of cool stuff to see after a hardy meal of Chinese food.  I’m looking for to

Sadly, the advanced word is not good.  But I have hope.  Not that hope, the hope that Frank Miller’s talent will work in movies and not just his comics.  One movie I hear is awesome is

Looks pretty sweet.  I know, I know, we’re all jealous of the life Brad Pitt is having.  But hey, he’s a good actor.  Why shouldn’t he have a good life?  I mean, when you look like this, your wife should look like this.

And speaking of hot chicks

Sorry.  I didn’t have anything to finish that sentence.  Just wanted to post a hot chick pic.  Hey, it’s Christmas, right?

That’s the spirit!  Back in the days where white snow meant something else.

Personally, any weather that isn’t cold is okay by me.  The only white in my Christmas I want is the powdered sugar on my cookies.  Who needs ice that’s not in a drink, bros?

Well, sure, Canadians.  They’re born on ice.   They like the cold better than Santa’s Elves.  Maybe its the beer or the back bacon.  Perhaps its their flapping heads.

Either way, God love those Maple syrup drinkin’ bastards!  And God or whatever, love everyone.  Isn’t that what the season is about, bros?  Love.

Merry Christmas!

Bros:

Happy Holidays!  It’s that time of year where we spend too much money, drink too much egg nog and regret not doing good things, at least until we can drunk on New Year’s.  The frat house is full of gifts and we’re all high on artificial snow fumes.  Before we pass out in our Christmas ham, we present to you the top ten Weird Christmas pics:

10:  Elvis Ornament:  It’s a hunka-hunka Christmas!

9: Candy Cane shot glasses:  Awesomely weird!

8: Weird Christmas Card:  This is a disturbing Christmas.

7: Have a Cthulhu Christmas!

6: Oh, Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree!  You’re really fucking ugly!

5: Blah!  Merry Christmas!  Now let me drink your blood!

4: Have a WTF Christmas!

3:  Look out!  Christmas mutants!

2: Weird Christmas movie:  Rumor has it, Ben Edlund, creator of The Tick, is working on a remake of this.

1: Merry Dark Side Everyone!