If your birthday is this week: East Coasters, you’ll be shoveling snow until your back is full of pain, your hands are raw and there is snow in your shows.  You will feel cold and pissed off for the rest of the week.  West Coasters, you’ll get a chill for a moment, but decide against putting on slightly longer shorts.

Aries: Make plans to go see a big event or get together with friends.  At least if you practice, maybe someday you’ll have friends and big event to attend one day.

Taurus:  Microwaving a glass bottle of soda sounds hilarious and is on YouTube, but when you do it, it causes $2000 worth of damage to the dorm kitchen.  Maybe videotaping yourself antiquing your roommate is more your speed.

Gemini:  You will get pwned on Xbox live in GTA.  That little blue dot speeding toward you on GTA4 should not be ignored.

Lemini:  You will forget and turn on the light in you room when you roommate is having sex with his girlfriend.  You’ll get to see her tits.  Nice!

Cancer: You’ll sneak out a fart in church and shit your pants.  Although God forgives you, the grief stricken family that invited you to that funeral won’t.

Leo:  Speak less and listen more, Leo.  Most people you meet are smarter than you anyway.

Virgo:  Cheech Marin will steal your shopping cart in the supermarket Thursday.  If its any consolation, all that Cheese Whiz you bought gives him gas.

Libra: Don’t play the lottery this week.  You’ll win, drop out of college, bang strippers and starlets, buy a casino, travel the world, meet celebrities and end up as a judge on Iron Chef.  The Iron Chef’s main ingredient is brussel sprouts.  Ugh!

Scorpio:  Your dog will catch you masturbating.  At first you’ll be embarrassed, but then you’ll get over it.  For weeks after, every time your dog meets another dog, you’ll swear they’re laughing at you.

Sagittarius:  You’re gonna watch a TV show that you almost never watch and have only seen one episode of.  It will be the same exact episode.

Capricorn:  Capricorn, you’ll get caught cheating on your boyfriend this week.  Maybe MTV’s the Jersey Shore isn’t the best place to pick up a guy on the sly.

Aquarius:  The stars say, travel by water is in your future.  This might be a good time to book a cruise or pay back that mobster.

Pisces:  You’re going to fail Economics, Pisces.  Maybe you’re proposed business model should’ve been something other than “selling crack and poppin’ caps”.

 

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 7th, 2010 at 12:01 am and is filed under News, Your Fratoscope. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.