Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:    The stars say, boil or grill your birthday cake made from hotdogs before you eat it.

Aries:  Your Memorial Day float will be pulled over for speeding and you will lose everyone from the football team that was riding on it.

Taurus:  As it turns out, no one want a hamburger that fresh. Your barbecue guests refuse to slaughter their own cows.

Gemini:  You won’t get sick from those deviled eggs left in the sun, but you will fart for six hours straight afterwards.

Lemini:   Don’t trust the lifeguard at the pool, he wants to get fired by letting someone drown.

Cancer:  No matter how many times you flash your reporters credentials, the strippers insist that you cannot embed with them.

Leo:   Your fireworks display burns a patriotic pattern in a local forest.

Virgo:  You’ll wear your Veterans’ Day outfit by mistake this week.

Libra:   You lose the barbecue cook off, but no one realizes you served them cat.

Scorpio:  The ghost of an angry Civil War veteran chastises you for having sex on top of his grave.

Sagittarius:   Your neighbor invites you to his pool party, but only because his wait staff bailed.

Capricorn:   Your vegan barbecue angers everyone and you wake up tied to a spit, being slowly rotated.

Aquarius:  This week, your attempt to corner the market on ketchup makes you some money, but few friends.

Pisces: You’ll blow off going to the beach to play a video game where the character gets points for doing beach stuff.