Jan05

Rewritten Headlines: Smooth Criminal to Snow Dick

by tonyd on January 5, 2018 at 12:01 am

Smooth Criminal

The Way Philly Measures Everything

As Long As It’s Candy

Airline Travel As Fast As You Imagine

Santa Surprisingly Small and Furry

Dude Harshing Our Buzz

Miami Hates Ice Cream

No More Jackin’ It at Disney

Protecting Your Money Maker

Snow Dick

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Jan03

Twitter in Focus: John Cena

by tonyd on January 3, 2018 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is John Cena!  Wrestler, movie star and probably The Rock’s replacement.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@JohnCena

December 21st:  “This was randomly put up in a small article by very glad i stumbled across it via ”

Man, this guy did five minutes on his dead parents.

December 23rd: “No fowl play here… (Just some flying chickens)  See in theaters TODAY! ”

Didn’t realize you did the voice of the bull.  Man, the commercial for that are everywhere.

December 24th:  https://twitter.com/JohnCena/status/944967931171139584

Ah, pleasant.

December 26th:  “What a special few days. for and now for damn it feels good to be ”

Man, you’re still wrestling?  You can’t mess up that face to be a moviestar, unless you’re Mickey Rourke.

December 26th:  “Honored to get a photo with the GREAT and the guy from , . He was also in the pic. ”

Cena is very humble for a guy that can kick so much ass.

December 27th:  “Now is the time we begin to set goals for the new year. Whatever U aspire to do or be, the 1 thing that will make it happen is ”

Inspiring.

December 28th:  “The continues to evolve and provide new ways for stars to be born. Excited to see LIVE on Facebook Watch on January 16th.”

I think Cena should be the new head of the WWE one day.  Seems like it would be good for the franchise.

December 31st:  “Wishing joy, health, and prosperity to all ”

Other than my pipes bursting, on track.

January 1st:  “A sunny morning on the first day of 2018. Possibilities are endless, opportunities are plentiful. Time to because on January 28th, I’m entering the match and earning a chance at history ! ”

Yeah, man!  Woo!  Let’s go!

January 1st:  “Perfection is what any competitor strives for. Congrats to on a perfect 13-0 season ”

The teams should have to play until someone loses and one team emerges perfect.

10 hours ago:  “Heartfelt congratulations to one of the nicest most positive people I know for her new role ”

Very positive.

Well, Cena isn’t funny, but he is very positive and positivity tends to be contagious.  So get out there and do some stuff, bros!  I give John Cena a 6 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an over all score of 8, but I’m giving him a 9 just because he’s so damned positive.  Follow John Cena.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus email me here.

 

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Jan01

Binge Watch: Stranger Things Season 2

by tonyd on January 1, 2018 at 1:17 am

I know I’m late to the party on this, but a hardy endorsement for Stranger Things, Season 2. The entire gang is back in the nostalgia-filled, 80’s series for those of us who grew up in the early 80’s and played far too much Dungeons and Dragons. Duffer Brothers, you owe me royalties for stealing my life!

Our heroes are back and the ST universe expands a bit. We’re introduced to another girl with powers and another mystery connected to Will. This time, a bigger and meaner monster is trying to break through from the Upside Down. Special appearance of Sean Astin who plays Bob, the love interest of Mrs. Byers. Also new, another girl joins the group and Steve gets his own foil as he continues to be one of the more interesting characters of the series. Adventures in Babysitting, The Goonies, E.T. and various other movies all rolled into one.

Oh, right and Paul Riser as the scientist. Not sure where they can go for a third season, but with the series popularity, it’s a given it’s coming back. Catch up now before they ruin it like Game of Thrones. Now playing on Netflix.

Big Thumbs up.

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Dec31

Your New Year’s Fratoscope

by tonyd on December 31, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You figure out the reason for the break in to your house was so that everyone could regift your Christmas gifts.

Aries:  You will have to do terrible things for a free Netflix password this year, but it’ll be worth it.

Taurus:  You’ll ring in the New Year in the most exciting way ever for you: clipping your toenails.

Gemini:  The stars say, although you’ll make out with a houseplant at a New Year’s Eve party, at least you won’t go home alone.

Lemini:  You’ll realize most of the high-five’s you’ve given in your life, you didn’t mean.

Cancer:  Kathy Griffin will break into your house and insist on counting down the New Year.

Leo:  You finally remember your original password, but only after your email program insists you change it.

Virgo:  The Avengers recruit you, but instead of taking you on adventures they just keep borrowing your van.

Libra:  You finally watch that thing that everyone else watched so you can talk about, but now nobody cares.

Scorpio:  This week, you’ll bribe someone with sex to get a better parking space.

Sagittarius:  The new casino game you play allows you to win $6, but you lose your pants.

Capricorn:  The carolers inside your snow globe escape.

Aquarius:  You’ll be offered a promotion or a blowjob, so unfortunately your salary stays flat.

Pisces:  You’ll ring in the new year as you always have, by turning back the tide of an alien invasion from another dimension using a mystic crystal that was given to you by Dick Clark before he died.

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