Super Frat

Oct23

Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than Get a Colonoscopy

by tonyd on October 23, 2017 at 1:01 am

You’re really, really in for a “treat” when you have to get one. Hands down the biggest horror of Halloween.

Binge watch the entire run of the Big Bang Theory.
Listen to someone explain to me why Blade Runner 2049 is a good movie.
Scrape fingernails across a chalkboard for an hour.
Walk my dog through a hurricane.
Fart uncontrollably while waiting in line at the deli.
Explain to the Starbucks barista why I’ve been bringing back the cup to get free iced tea refills for the last six months.
Listen to someone explain why they think Game of Thrones is just as good now as the first season.
Listen to someone tell me about their D&D character.
Attempt to fix my fuel pump, which I have no idea how to do, while slowly making my car less and less driveable.
Pretty much anything.

└ Tags: Blade Runner 2049, chalkboard, colonoscopy, comedy, D&D, fart, funny, Game of Thrones, Halloween, horror, humor, list, Super Frat, ten things, Ten Things I'd Rather Do, The Big Bang Theory, Tony DiGerolamo, top ten

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Oct22

Your Fratoscope: October 22, 2017

by tonyd on October 22, 2017 at 2:42 am

If your birthday is this week: The Rock comes by to be in your home movies at your birthday party because he literally wants to be in EVERY movie.

Aries: You’ll find some loose change in your underwear again.

Taurus: Donald Trump will challenge you to a fist fight, then send his Secret Service agents to beat the crap out of you.

Gemini: You’ll be called a white supremacist because you use mayo on your hamburger.

Lemini: You’ll realize that your best years are behind you, but that’s okay, your best wasn’t even that good.

Cancer: The warranty on your sex doll will end and she’ll attempt to sue you.

Leo: The Starbucks barista will refer to you as “Stinky” and laugh uproariously.

Virgo: You’ll realize the bubblegum you’ve been chewing is actually very old pudding.

Libra: This week, your SO tells you to get your shit together and poop in just ONE place in the apartment.

Scorpio: You need a break from reading the Internet, but don’t worry, they still sell paper porn somewhere.

Sagittarius: The stars say, wearing a bathrobe made from bees is relaxing until you try and sit down.

Capricorn: The doctor will assure you the voices from the puppets aren’t real, but his bills are.

Aquarius: Your pizza will arrive in the wrong shape.

Pisces: Prep for your colonoscopy will be fun, if shitting all day is fun for you.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, bubblegum, Cancer, Capricorn, colonoscopy, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, pizza, predictions, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, sex doll, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, The Rock, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope

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Oct21

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Winter 2017

by tonyd on October 21, 2017 at 12:01 am

So just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. The Summer of Suck has moved to destroy Winter. Hollywood’s last gasp is here folks and here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle: There are not many movies that can make me look at scenes of violence and make say, “God, that’s sickening”. But the first installment of this movie did that in a famous scene in which Colin Firth takes out a church full of racist southerners. He’s back in the sequel somehow and I wouldn’t give these filmmakers one red cent of my money. I would even refuse to watch this on cable.

Tyler Perry Something, Something: How is this still happening? Who’s seeing this? Not me.

LBJ: AKA: Woody Harrelson wants an Oscar. I’m sure he’ll be good, but I’m not seeing it with preachy Rob Reiner directing. Not thanks, Meathead.

Murder on the Orient Express: When they remake movies, they should put the words “again” at the end of the title. “Murder on the Orient Express Again”. I’ll maybe watch this on A&E fives years from now.

Justice League: I might go see this so I can complain about it, but there’s a more than better chance DC will just continue to fall off the balance beam as superhero movies move to “jump the shark” status.

Polaroid: Sounds like a remake of a Twilight Zone episode. Why do in 90 minutes that someone did in less than thirty 40 years ago?

The Star: Religious cartoon for kids? Pass.

Just Getting Started: AKA: Old people make a movie. This’ll be on CBS inside of year.

I, Tonya: Other than possibly seeing Margot Robbie topless is there any reason to see this? Are we just recycling 20 year-old news now?

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: No! No-no-no-no-no-no! Stop! Enough Dwayne Johnson. Stop. Making a sequel to a movie Robin Williams couldn’t make work? Oh, yeah, I’m sure the Rock has WAY better comedy chops than Robin Williams. Yeah, that makes sense. His muscles will be a HUGE advantage I’m sure.

Pitch Perfect 3: No.

The Post: I suspect this will be a self-serving piece of movie making that attempts to rebuild the reputation of the New York Times and Washington Post in film. Good luck with that.

It’s been exhausting just making this list, I can’t imagine actually going to see these films. Well, back to watching Rick & Morty reruns.