Sep22

Rewritten Headlines: Bad Psychic to Fast Pizza

by tonyd on September 22, 2017 at 12:01 am

Psychic Not Very Good

Dude Really Needs Burger

Costarican President May Be Robot

People Complain About Accurate Advertising

Dracula’s Son No Longer Welcomed at School

Lucky Students to Have Very Confusing Therapy

No One Appreciates Free Present

What is Happening at BK?

Normal Day in Russia

Orgasm in 30 Minutes or Less

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Sep20

Twitter in Focus: Leah Remini

by tonyd on September 20, 2017 at 1:12 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Leah Remini, who is destroying Scientology one show at a time!  Let’s see what she’s tweeting!

@LeahRemini

3 hours ago:  “Google it. See what Scientology says about themselves ”

I’m sure it’s a glowing review.  It’s amazing that a science fiction writer started all this.

3 hours ago:  “. thank you for sharing your story and opening your heart to us! ”

His interview in Going Clear is one of the best moments of that movie.

3 hours ago:  “Never. All Scientologists have to read, learn the same thing”

Really?  Who would have the time to read all that?  Doesn’t seem like something a busy celeb could even do.

3 hours ago:  “They can see Scientology “doctrine” for themselves and stop allowing these celebrities to get away with it . Do their dang research right?”

I could see why journalist wouldn’t ask a celebrity.  They’re just happy to have an interview with someone famous.  They don’t want to rock the boat.

3 hours ago:  “They say you don’t have to believe it. But you still have to do it ”

So even after you hear the alien nonsense, they kinda tacitly admit it’s bullshit?  Crazy.

3 hours ago:  “We have asked him or any scientologist to come and talk to us. They refused ”

I can’t imagine those guys would.  They wouldn’t look good.

3 hours ago:  “Better yet, why don’t they bring a suit against me and we can stop playing games ”

Sounds like someone is ready to go!

2 hours ago:  “Would love it. How about one of their 500 lawyers? Maybe Monique Yingling?”

Ah, I’m sure it would be nonsense.  No way they’d have anything insightful to say.

29 minutes ago:  “Thank you all for watching and tweeting with us tonight! ”

Great show.  Gonna watch tonight’s episode now!

Okay, let’s rate Leah’s tweets.  You should really watch the show and see her Twitter account.  Had to cut out all the back and forth with people asking questions about the episode.  It’s pretty mind blowing how crazy Scientology gets.  I give Leah a 9 for Style, an 8 for Insanity and a 10 for Mustness.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Leah.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Sep18

Binge Watch: The New Twin Peaks

by tonyd on September 18, 2017 at 12:01 am

Okay, there’s going to be some spoilers ahead, so fair warning. Although I was a fan of the original series, I could only get through four episodes of the current one. That in a nutshell, is what I think of it.

I may still review the rest of the season, but I have to say it was brutal just to get through those episode. Lynch and his crew try so hard to be weird and disturbing, it just comes off as tiresome after a while. The pacing also feels all wrong. The original show, for it’s fault, drove things forward at a good clip. One of the things that drove it forward was the energy from Kyle Mclaughlin.

His character, despite the weirdness, was like Agent Mulder only chipper. For Lynch to dull that in this reintroduction of him just makes the whole series drag. We get it, Cooper was trapped in the black lodge for 25 years and it messed him up. But that’s not the Dale Cooper I remember. The Cooper I remember would come out of that lodge using a trick to keep his sanity or maybe just not be effected by it at all. That certainly would’ve moved things forward.

Basically, it four episodes of “C’mon! Get on it with it!” Even Miguel Ferrer, who plays Albert, seemed dull. In the original series, he was such an intense asshole! Now he’s just kind of there.

But the part that really doesn’t work for me is that nothing makes sense after four episodes. There seems no consistency in the Black Lodge and the physics (or magic) of it. In the series, it seemed almost unknowable and now, Lynch spends so much time there, it becomes boring. Visual after visual, new character after new character— You just lose the thread. In the original show, at least you knew the characters were all in one town.

I may go back and watch the rest of it anyway, just to see if he pulls it together, but it feels like a chore and that doesn’t sound like entertainment to me.

I give the new Twin Peaks (first four episodes) four out of 10 keggers.

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Sep17

Your Fratoscope: September 17, 2017

by tonyd on September 17, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday clown will be a juggalo.  He’ll eat all the birthday cake, but leave you with plenty of Faygo.

Aries:  You will accidentally lead a marching band into the supermarket.

Taurus:  You’ll discover that going to a rock concert on horseback is problematic.

Gemini:  The stars say, you should probably stop letting your dog send out your resumes.

Lemini:  You finally have that summer body, but unfortunately you have nowhere to bury it now.

Cancer:  You’ll discover that fried roadkill taste nothing like chicken.

Leo:  Your pizza delivery guy will look surprisingly like that 8th grade teacher who thought you would amount to nothing.

Virgo:  You accidentally take Viagra instead of Claritan and get a boner every time you sneeze.

Libra:  The management at Target will insist that you try on underwear inside the dressing rooms.

Scorpio:  You’ll realize you’re allergic to strawberry anal lube at the worst possible time.

Sagittarius:  Your skateboard video will be rejected because there’s not enough protruding bone breaks.

Capricorn:  It turns out, that server you tipped at Taco Bell was just a homeless guy that comes in and touches everyone’s food.

Aquarius:  You should let sleeping dogs lie, especially while robbing that junk yard.

Pisces:  Realizing your dog wants longer and longer walks, you decide to start feeding her more carbs and letting her watch TV.

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