Jul28

Rewritten Headlines: Dancing Alpacas to Poison Chips

by tonyd on July 28, 2017 at 12:01 am

Canadian Farmer Really Bored

First Arctic Divorce in the Works

Sex Doll Gets Add-Ons Perverts Won’t Ever Use

The Fugitive Finally Ends

England Vying for Japan’s Place in Weirdness

Red Planet to Get Redder

And here’s something you’ll really not like

Prisoners Want You to Watch Their YouTube Channel

Council Wastes Everyone’s Time

Worst Tube of Pringles Ever

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Jul26

Twitter in Focus: Jamie Foxx

by tonyd on July 26, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Jamie Foxx!  Actor, host, comedian and Ray Charles impersonator!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@iamjamiefoxx

July 12th:  “Shout out to my girl for releasing her banger. Let’s bring this fire to the top spot!   ”

Banger?  What about the mash?

July 12th:  “TOMORROW! ”

Tough.  You have to be a music FREAK to beat that.

July 13th:  “East coast tune in in 10 min! THANKS FOR THE LOVE ”

It’s a great modern twist on Name That Tune.

July 13th:  “So proud of my daughter and her new project . Inspiring people everywhere. ”

Aw, that’s nice.

July 14th:  “What a moment for the people!!! Huge thanks to . for stopping by and almost stopping some hearts!!!! ”

Mariah is looking good.

July 14th: “The hottest party of the summer just got nominated for a Teen Choice Award. Vote for us by tweeting: ”

That makes sense.  Internet stuff.

July 17th:  “Don’t get left in the dust! has everyone talking!  go see it today and start the week off right! ”

I hear good things.  Gotta see it.

July 18th: “Watch the first 6 minutes of a movie “that will knock the wind out of you.” See it here NOW! ”

That was pretty boss.  I’d see it.

July 19th:  “. is this summer’s #1 music series!!! YUP! You heard me! Thursday’s 8/7c on FOX!”

I’d rather see that than a fake reality show.

July 21st: “My guy tyga’s new album is dope check it out”

Movie star and music guy.  Maximum cool career for Jamie.

Okay, let’s rate Jamie’s tweets.  I give him a 7 for Mustness, an 8 for Insanity and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8, follow Jamie.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jul24

Fat Guy Eats: Alma de Cuba

by tonyd on July 24, 2017 at 12:01 am

Restaurant: Alma de Cuba

Address:  1623 Walnut Street Philadelphia, PA 19103

Food:  Cuban

Price:  Above Average

Portions:  Decent

Taste:  Pretty Amazing

Service:  Freaking Amazing

Atmosphere:  Needs Work

So my brother and his girlfriend gave me a gift certificate to Steven Starr restaurants for my 50th birthday and since the Missus is out, I figure why not treat them.  We opted for the Cuban place to keep everyone happy, as my brother isn’t much of a fan of Asian food and the other places were too busy.

Two things kept the meal from being awesome: 1) a loud fucking table of women next to us.  (Obnoxious ladies.  Shut the fuck up when other people are eating, ladies!) and 2) it was just too dark.  Now I know restaurants try to create an ambiance, but a place like this, with high end food—  The food is the star of the show.  But you can’t see the star if it’s too dark.  And while I don’t mind using my phone to light up the menu, it’s kinda hard to eat and light up my food with the phone.

Food wise, it was pretty amazing.  Bread with spicy dipping sauce.  The ceviche samples were running late, so the chef brought us an extra course of crab tacos on the house.  Nice move.  The ceviche was unbelievable and included extra portions on the house.  Tuna, fluke, oysters—  Basically, I got my sushi, only with lots more citrus.  My entree was this pork dish.  Crispy on the outside, tender on the inside and orange-y rice to go with.  I really wanted to see it, but alas, the darkness!

Our waitress crushed the service, bringing us extra drinks and keeping us happy.  We didn’t even notice the lateness of the food and were surprised by the chef’s generosity.  Would totally go again, but would have to insist on better lighting.  Seriously, it was dark!

I give Alma de Cuba 8.5 out of 10 keggers.

 

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Jul23

Your Comic Con Fratoscope: July 23, 2017

by tonyd on July 23, 2017 at 12:59 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Norman Reedus will jump out of your birthday cake and shoot the zombie.  Well, the guy in zombie make up anyway.

Aries:  Your cosplay as the Crotchless Avenger doesn’t get you free entry into the con.

Taurus:  You’ll realize the large action figure you just purchased is a napping Verne Troyer.

Gemini:  You’ll tell everyone at the Game of Thrones panel that everyone dies this season and are immediately thrown out for giving away too many spoilers.

Lemini:  You’ll be excited to meet an amazing cosplayer dressed as the Hulk, until you realize it’s actually Lou Ferrigno.

Cancer:  The stars say, don’t eat anything, the line for the comic con bathroom is way longer than the line for the comic con snack bar.

Leo:  You will acquire a rare Star Trek collectible: William Shatner’s notes on moderation in acting.

Virgo:  You’ll witness a wookie with a huge mustard stain on his fur.

Libra:  You’ll be injured by a horde of stampeding Harley Quinns.

Scorpio:  Everyone you have sex with at comic con will walk away with that blue smurf body paint you’re wearing on their face and genitals.

Sagittarius:  PETA will protest you for capturing too many Pokemon.

Capricorn:  Room service will charge you extra for the trashcan full of Cheetos you order up to your room.

Aquarius:  You room party gets out of hand when Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Ben Affleck get their asses kicked by Christian Bale.

Pisces:  Someone asks if you think they’ll ever include famous comic book creators at Comic Con.

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