Jun07

Twitter in Focus: Flavor Flav

by tonyd on June 7, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Flavor Fav boyyyeeeeee!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@FlavorFlav

February 15th:  “Thank you all for helping me kill the game,,, Without you this could not be possible, FLAVOR FLAV”

Kill the game?  Did he go hunting?

February 19th:  “We got a big show commin up soon ,,, follow my boy So stay tuned to the vegas ventures,!!! Boooyyyyeeeee,!!”

Aw, he said it!  Well, typed it anyway.

March 20th:  “R I P Chuck Berry i’ve been a fan my whole life since I was four years old, All I can say is You did your thing my man God bless/FLAVOR-FLAV”

He was legend.  Can’t believe he’s gone.

March 20th:  “To all that wished me a happy birthday on my birthday thank you so much to everybody FLAVOR FLAV”

Aw, man.  Rough news on a birthday.

May 14th:  “ Mother’s Day today to all mothers,,, Flavor Flav”

Flav’s hashtag skills may not be totally on point.

May 19th:  “ cavaliers is the brand-new broom that’s going to sweep the Boston Celtics LeBron James is my favorite player in the NBA right now”

I would’ve guessed he’d be more of an East Coast team guy, but then again, who likes the Knicks?

May 30th:  “ really feel we had a good relationship all this time with Germany until Trump became president,,,, just sayin,,not sure, I might be wrong”

See, that’s the way to put your opinion up when you’re a celebrity.  Not preachy, just throwin’ it out there, not trying to start a fight.

10 hours ago:  “A United States president should not be using Twitter in the first place why is Trump tweeting and causingchaos in the White House? FLAV”

Yeah, I don’t know if he’s causing chaos.  But the wall-to-wall coverage of the tweets sure are.

7 hours ago:  “ Donald Trump is a Twidiot: wich means a tweeting idiot,,, Causing chaos all over,, Missing up relationships with other countries”

The world needs another PE album, Flav.  Return of a Black Planet!

Okay, let’s rate Flav’s tweets.  Surprisingly sane.  I expected all kinds of craziness, but Flav is pretty chill these days.  I give him a 7 for Insanity, a 7 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8, but I’m bumping it to 9 because, well, PE!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jun04

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Microwave Burrito

by tonyd on June 4, 2017 at 11:08 pm

Ingredients: 1/4 kegger, one bottle of Grand Marnier, bus, airport, burrito, microwave.

Step 1:  Drink about 1/4 keg of beer at a sorority mixer.

Step 2:  Stagger into wrong room and uncover housemate’s bottle of Grand Marnier.

Step 3:  Ignore labels on bottle and obvious age of bottle and open it.

Step 4:  Drink one quarter of bottle, rush to bathroom to throw up.

Step 5:  Over hear housemate discovering open bottle in room.

Step 6:  Climb out window, fall into bushes.

Step 7:  Hear housemate threaten you from his room.

Step 8:  Run across campus, chased by housemate.

Step 9:  Duck into freshman party, hide in closet.

Step 10:  Throw up in closet.

Step 11:  Get thrown out by freshman.

Step 12:  Walk to Student Union, remember sad time when you broke up with girlfriend there.

Step 13:  Spot bus pulling up.  Decide to get on it.

Step 14:  Stagger to bus stop, get on bus.

Step 15:  Walk to back of bus, pass out.

Step 16:  Wake up at last stop at airport.

Step 17:  Get out, walk into airport.

Step 18:  Find microwave burritos at only store still open.

Step 19:  Microwave burrito for 8 minutes by mistake.

Step 20:  Burn mouth on burrito, drop it on floor.

 

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Jun04

Your Fratoscope: June 4, 2017

by tonyd on June 4, 2017 at 1:48 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your cake explodes, but the shrapnel is delicious.

Aries:  You will accidentally quit the Internet and have to start over by watching cat videos for six weeks.

Taurus:  The stars say, your dentist enjoys the smell of your breath a little too much.

Gemini:  Your robot will apply for a small business loan.

Lemini:  You will be outsmarted by a wheel of cheese.

Cancer:  Your lawn will become infested with leprechauns.

Leo:  You’ll brush up against a celebrity and catch Russel Crowe Syndrome.

Virgo:  Your pie will be delivered by an ancestor of one of the original stooges, but he just plates it for you.

Libra:  The usher isn’t hitting on you, you just never gave him your ticket.

Scorpio:  Your dating profile will get an STD.

Sagittarius:  You will enjoy a hilarious sandwich.

Capricorn:  Your significant other will remind you that they’re just a figment of your imagination.

Aquarius:  You will post something that starts an argument on Facebook, but ends an argument on Twitter.

Pisces:  You’ll be selling comics at the Jersey Shore Comic Book Show on Sunday, June 4th from 10 to 4pm in Smithville, NJ and spend the rest of the week counting your money.

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Jun03

Ten Things I’d Like to See on National Doughnut Day

by tonyd on June 3, 2017 at 1:42 am

  1.  All crime is legal inside any Krispy Kreme.
  2.  All-doughnut theme parade with float-sized doughnuts.
  3.  Like Fat Tuesday, only if you see tits you gotta give the girls doughnuts.
  4.  Doughnut horseshoe game, but played with Boston creams.
  5.  If you get pulled over for speeding, you automatically go free if you give the cop a glazed doughnut.
  6.  Any fast food joint with a deep fryer must make you donut holes for free with any meal.
  7.  Santa returns and hands out jelly doughnuts to anyone that was good.
  8.  Dunkin’ Donuts will throw one doughnut at you and if you catch it in your mouth, it’s free.
  9.  All workers have the option to be paid in doughnuts just for that day.
  10.  National Referendum deciding whether to spell doughnut or donut.
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