Bad Santa Sequel Probably in the Works
Dumbass Wastes Everyone’s Time
Hospital Places Babies Dangerously Close to Fireplace
Christmas Tree Gets Caught Cattle Rustling
Santa Hunting Season Best Ever
Three Rings Short of Song Verse
Bad Santa Sequel Probably in the Works
Dumbass Wastes Everyone’s Time
Hospital Places Babies Dangerously Close to Fireplace
Christmas Tree Gets Caught Cattle Rustling
Santa Hunting Season Best Ever
Three Rings Short of Song Verse
Merry Christmas, bros.
I hope you received many gifts under that tree you and your brothers built out of Rolling Rock empties. But as always, it is time for TIF, even on Christmas, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is St. Nick. Unfortunately, Twitter has not officially verified the real Santa, so you will have to choose. Behold, the choices, bros.
21 minutes ago: “Did you know that tinsel was once made of real silver! It was invented in Germany in 1610”
Sounds like something Santa would say. Hm, but that underline in the middle of his name makes me suspicious.
13 hours ago: “Santa’s Warming Up For The Big Night… https://vine.co/v/hEDUJ50hjPh via @RobOnTheRun”
Santa knows Vine? No one that old even understands email.
@istheb (AKA: Power Pop Santa)
10 minutes ago: “I was going to go play WWE 2k14 but standing up is too risky so what’s up everyone?”
Santa doesn’t play with his own toys!
11 minutes ago: “Hey @techknowdoc Santa is here! ;) Just around the corner. ;)”
Well, it makes sense Santa would outsource.
December 22nd: “No, I’ve never heard of Game of Thrones. Why do you ask?”
Well, if the Elves and all the good reindeer die, we know this one to be true.
1 minute ago: “IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!!! GUESS WHO IS COMING TO TOWN TONIGHT!!!”
Only an Elf types in caps, so maybe.
@Santa_St_Claus (AKA: Kris Kringle)
2 hours ago; “Currently judging you.”
Oppressive, Santa. And a bit creepy.
10 hours ago: “ARE YOU READY KIDS!?!?!? Good. Cause I sure as hell ain’t.”
Christmas is stressful. Probably even moreso for Santa.
@Santa_4_reals (AKA: Black Santa)
June 19th: “@Paula_Deen‘s “That Nacho Cheese Sandwich” recipe is to die for, y’all! #PaulasBestDishes”
Hmm, Santa may be way behind on his Twitter feed and news feed.
Okay, there are just too many Santas on Twitter. I declare the winner to be…
December 19th: “You say “potato,” I say “45-to-life, criminal scum.””
Seriously, who would you rather have come down your chimney? A strange old man in a red suit? Or Batman kicking ass? Because if Batman comes, you know he’s there to save you. And that’s the best Christmas present of all.
Life Skills for Fanboys: Convention Volunteers
written by Tony DiGerolamo, Copyright 2013
I’m back with another skill, this one a bit more specific. Take this criticism in the constructive way it is given. Like you, I am also a fanboy.
The Idea Behind Volunteers
The concept behind convention volunteers is a noble one. The geek community needs conventions so that we can connect with fellow fans. Conventions are often expensive to organize and run. Some cons are essentially non-profit operations. Whatever money is made is used to cover costs and banked for next year.
Hiring a staff of corporate drones in black polo shirts often turns conventions into impersonal, money operations. And, in the pursuit of money, whatever personality a convention once had is often lost. So, in many ways, con volunteers are the personality of a convention.
The Problems
Just because your con is not part of a larger corporation out to fleece the fandom for every cent doesn’t mean you con will be a positive experience for the fans. There are several pointed problems I see with volunteers when I attend shows.
1. The Mercenary Attitude: While many fans volunteer out of the goodness of their heart or simply because they don’t have the money to attend the con, some are merely there to avoid paying the entrance fee. Once they’ve gotten their staff shirt and badge, they seek to shirk their duties or do the minimum at every turn. As long as they get to their game or their event, they could give a crap about the rest of the con.
2. The Untrained Masses: Some fans are extremely earnest and willing to help when they volunteer, but if they aren’t given the proper training and leadership at the convention, there’s nothing much they can do other than mill about the floor and point out “fires” when they happen to someone who can actually do something. In many ways, untrained volunteers are worse than no volunteers. At least if there are no volunteers, I know I’m on my own. But when someone untrained agrees to help solve my problem or answer my question, then disappears and never comes back, I’ve wasted a lot of my time.
3. King Geek: King Geek is a con volunteer who is a veteran and has decided to promote himself within his own mind. He claims way more authority than he has and acts like he owns the convention. Nothing is worse than a geek who throws his weight around and then it turns out he doesn’t even have any to throw.
4. The Complainer: Passive aggressive, angry and often bitter, this volunteer would rather complain about everyone else than actually just do the work. Yeah, I understand no one is listening to, it’s a shame they wasn’t better training and no, this isn’t how I would run a con either, but should you be helping instead of bitching to me?
5. The Unprofessional: Look, I understand you’re a volunteer, but this isn’t your parents’ basement. Get organized and do your job. Stop talking on your cellphone to your friend about the autograph line and listen to your supervisor. If you really just wanted to be at the con, then you shouldn’t volunteer. Work or play, don’t do both at the same time.
The Solutions
Organizations need strong leadership and conventions are no exception. One person needs to be in charge and the hierarchy naturally extends out from that one person. Yes, I understand there are often counsels and clubs and large groups of people that are behind the scenes, spending money and organizing. But the actually day-to-day running of an event needs to move with one voice and one purpose. After the event is over, you can re-evaluate the leader’s performance and decide to replace him or her.
Once you have a strong leader, it all comes down to getting to know the volunteers and training them. Mercenary volunteers are useless. Identify them and kick them out if they don’t do their jobs. The rest must be trained. They must know their place in the hierarchy of the organization. They cannot complain to the public and they must act like professionals during the entire event.
The Limits of Volunteers
Employees have to do their jobs, but volunteers can only be pushed so far. They must have times scheduled “off” so they can enjoy the event and they should be thanked for their service by those above. While it is important to make sure everyone is doing their jobs, it is also very important to respect volunteers. Without respect, volunteers will not return and your convention will find itself short staffed next year.
If your birthday is this week: Although you’ve been horrible this year, after Santa’s sleigh side swipes you in a parking lot, you get some great gifts if you promise not to turn it into insurance.
Aries: You finally learn to spell Hanukkah, but then you forget.
Taurus: The stars say, the lines in the store are long because you do your shopping on the way to visit your relatives on Christmas Day.
Gemini: Jack Frost will nip at your nose and you will be the shit out of that touchy fucker.
Lemini: You’ll spend a lonely holiday watching the Green Lantern movie. It doesn’t get any better. The movie, not your holiday.
Cancer: You holiday will jingle-jingle, but not jangle.
Leo: The sweaters you get this year for Christmas are much less uglier than the previous year. So there’s that.
Virgo: You will be taken to the hospital with a near-fatal nog overdose.
Libra: Frosty the Snowman will come to life on your front lawn, then trip and sue you for damages. Fortunately, he melts halfway through the lawsuit.
Scorpio: You will have a sensual encounter with an elf.
Sagittarius: You will finally get your big break in comedy, mainly because no one else in the soup kitchen has anything else to do other than listen to you.
Capricorn: You will find a reindeer carcass with a red nose has been blocking your chimney this entire time.
Aquarius: You will be stalked by a mall Santa until you agree to sit on his lap.
Pisces: You presents are the same as every year: ham, ham, ham!
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Black Tail and Marz
Bunny Wiggins
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Center Lane
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City Folk, The Webcomic
Company Man
Convenience Store Diet
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Damn Heroes
Destroyed by Robots
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Doug Lefler
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Fatherhood. Badly Doodled
The Flavor Razor
Frownland
The Funnicks
Game Cupid
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H.I.T.
The Hero Business
Hit Girlz
I, Mummy
Java Jaguar
Ker-Bop
Kick Man
Krrobar.com
LaSalle’s Legacy
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Murdercake
Mythdirection
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The Other End
OutwitTrade
Plan C
QWERTYvsDvorak
Robot Friday
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SCAPULA
Skitter
Skroode
Sluggy Freelance
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StocktonCon
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