Jun12

Bulletproof Giraffe

by tonyd on June 12, 2013 at 10:34 am

Hey Bros!

As some of you know, I am involved in the improv scene in Philadelphia.  These days, I’m directing a group called Bulletproof Giraffe.  They just performed at the F Harold Festival in Philadelphia.  Here’s their set!

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Jun12

Twitter in Focus: Jim Jefferies

by tonyd on June 12, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Jim Jefferies, who is funny as shit.  That is, if shit were a really good stand up comedian.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@JimJefferies

May 28th:  “Supermans underwear should be on the outside! I don’t want to talk about this anymore”

Of course.  That was all the rage on Krypton.

May 29th:  “Ok I am Wilfred”

Ha!  I knew it!

May 30th:  “I have decided that season 2 of legit will be set in space”

It was the natural progression of the story line.  Shitty neighborhood.  Space.

May 31st:  “I’ll be at the brea improv this weekend”

He is very Spartan in his tweeting.  You don’t get the rest of the 140 characters back, Jim.  Add a link.

May 31st:  “good morning, there is no god, have fun today”

Well, now that there’s no god, it’s going to be guilt-free fun.  The best kind of fun.

May 31st:  “here is the link to buy the jacket i wore on “i swear to god” it smells a little funky but it a great jacket and… ”

Dammit.  I would’ve bought that, but you wrote all over it.

May 31st:  “Come and see me tonight at the brea improv”

Links Jim, links.

June 3rd:  “I’m telling ya cutest baby in the world ”

Awwww.  You must’ve paid top dollar for that one.

June 3rd:  “What’s better hamburger or pizza?why?”

A hamburger.  Because you can always sandwich it in between two tiny pizzas.

June 3rd:  “Hamburger is way better”

Better for you.  Less carbs.

June 4th:  “2 days left to bid on my jacket in eBay for charity”

Oh, for charity.  That’s nice.  But there is no god so…  Seriously, one of you rich bros, help out.

June 8th:  “Mr and my boy in Scotland ”

Whoever is on his t-shirt is photobombing you.

June 8th:  “In history quite people have always been the biggest problem”

They’re usually the ones with all the money and guns.

June 8th:  “I get it I can’t spel”

Who is berating you for spelling?  That’s ridiculous.  It’s twitter.  You can’t spell half the things you need to say on this thing.

June 9th:  “scandinavian tour start tommorrow”

Scandinavia?  Well, I guess they could use a laugh living in that dark, cold country.

June 10th:  “Just took a pic with gold medalist high jumper ”

Hmm, I don’t know if I like Bruce Jenner’s new face.

12 hours ago:  “first gig in gothenburg tonight”

What time is it there?  Probably like, morning.

12 hours ago:  “get tickets here ”

Now he posts a link.

11 hours ago:  “the dodgers are pissing me off”

My recommendation, watch football.  At least dudes hit each other.

Okay, let’s rate Jim’s tweets.  I respect the Spartan nature of his tweeting.  Short, sweet and to the point.  I give him a 7 for Insanity, a 9 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8.6  Very respectable.  Follow Jim and watch his show, Legit, on FX.  It’s pretty damned funny.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

 

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Jun10

Ten Things I Learned From Family Guy

by tonyd on June 10, 2013 at 12:01 am

1.  Fat guys can marry incredibly hot chicks.

2.  Never trust a chicken.

3.  Talking dogs require a tremendous amount of therapy.

4.  No matter how horribly injured you become, you’ll be fine in a week.

5.  Despite genetics, you can give spawn to a genius, an idiot and a social pariah all in the same bloodline.

6.  No matter how stupid you are, you can get out of almost any situation.

7.  Sex addicts are hilarious and hate dogs.

8.  Wheelchair-bound cops can still continue to patrol the streets and they don’t have much back up.

9.  Adam West should’ve been a comedian.

10.  Endlessly parodying television is a lot funnier and easier than making it better.

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Jun09

Your Fratoscope: June 9, 2013

by tonyd on June 9, 2013 at 2:06 am

If your birthday is this week:  Bill Clinton will come to your birthday party and it will be awesome.  Just don’t leave him alone with your mom in the laundry room.

Aries:  The stars say, stop crying.  Game of Thrones is just a show.

Taurus:  Someone will steal your bike and replace it with an exact duplicate, so you never realize.

Gemini:  Clean out your car.  It’s disgusting.

Lemini:  The next person that borrows a pen from you, will attempt to stab you with it so, heads up.

Cancer:  A three-toed sloth will break into your apartment and eat all your pudding.  He’ll leave a note vowing to pay you back someday, but he won’t.  He’s addicted to meth.

Leo:  No one will believe your excuses for why you’re literally spying on everyone in America.

Virgo:  This week, you’ll finally vow to stop breaking wind every time someone in the office says, “I think there’s a storm coming.”

Libra:  Your ventriloquist dummy will come to life and demand health insurance.

Scorpio:  You’ll have sex with the guy that checks your electric meter, which will be awkward, because the mailman you had sex with last week will walk in on you.

Sagittarius:  While delivering the mail, you’ll get a surprise.

Capricorn:  The prize in your box of Crackerjacks will be an uninspired 27 cents.

Aquarius:  You will get some great LSD from your driving instructor right before the final test.

Pisces:  You’ll go to three birthday parties, eat too much cake and update your websites two hours late.

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