Oct21

Your Fratoscope: October 21, 2012

by tonyd on October 21, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You will discover that you cannot train a seeing eye dog to spot just a C-cup or above.

Aries:  Your delusional dog will climb atop his dog house and pretend that he’s flying an airplane.  Time to put him down.

Taurus:  You’re not part of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force just because you deep fried your hand once.

Gemini:  Drilling into your drywall this week will cause it to bleed.  On the upside, you find the previous owner of your house.

Lemini:  Ben Franklin will appear to you in a time machine he built and ask you to purchase him some future porn.

Cancer:  After being bitten by a radioactive prostitute, you will gain the power to stay on your knees indefinitely.

Leo:  This week, you’ll live your life-long dream of taking a dump in the White House, but maybe next time, wait for a bathroom.

Virgo:  The Jehovah’s Witnesses will stop by your house and urge you to become a Catholic.

Libra:  Your deep fried turkey sets fire to your garage.  Next time kill it before your try and dunk it in the hot oil.

Scorpio:  Your dildo designer resigns due to work exhaustion.

Sagittarius:  The star say, go ahead and take that candy bar.  What’s the worst that could happen?

Capricorn:  You’ll watch another episode of the Walking Dead, but still, no zombie clowns.

Aquarius:  Turns out, the tent city you’ve been living in for your Occupy Wall Street protest is just a camp ground.

Pisces:  You will have some delicious cookies and that girl will get a clear message from your Mafia buddies.

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Oct20

Rewritten Headlines: Detroit to Tom Hanks

by tonyd on October 20, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hell Freezes Over

Bullies Possibly on Martian Surface

Defense Contractors Looking to Make Internet Money

TSA Perverts Dealt Blow

People Realize They Don’t Have to Eat Crap

CIA Not Killing Enough People

Freedom Continues to Fuck up Libya

Jersey Shore Guidos May Easily Ignite

Bureaucratic Bullshit Keeps Man on Vacation

Grown Man Uses Words: Upsets Budinskis

 

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Oct19

Frat Boy At the Movies: Seven Psychopaths

by tonyd on October 19, 2012 at 12:01 am

Strange and strangely entertaining, Seven Psychopaths is chock full of talent actors and plays like a kind of less ambitious Adaption.  It’s very much a screenwriter’s movie, as the main character, Marty (Colin Farrell), is a screenwriter who drinks too much.  He’s also working on a screenplay called Seven Psychopaths, so part of the movie is his screenplays and the other parts are the actual story.

But reality and the screenplay merge in weird ways, as some of the characters in the screenplay turn out to be based on actual characters and some characters attempt to become characters in the screenplay.  It’s hard to explain more without giving it away.  Marty’s friend Billy (Sam Rockwell) and Billy’s friend Hans (Christopher Walken) run a dog kidnapping scheme, where they steal a dog, wait for the owner to post a reward and then return it for the money.  Unfortunately, they steal the wrong dog.  It’s owned by Charlie (Woody Harrelson), a local gangster who loves his Shih Tzu.   Tom Waits also plays a role.

Like Adaption, the characters talk about the screenplay and some of those events ironically happen.  It’s not particularly clever nor is it particularly lazy.  Martin McDonagh, the writer/director, does a nice job of keeping the pacing up and the action flowing.  Sam Rockwell is in his glory, chewing up the scenery.  Like a movie in a movie, it’s self-referential, but not to the point of annoyance.  As the movie unfolds, it’s being written, which makes one wonder what the actual movie would be like.

Still, it’s really enjoyable and funny.  Maybe not as action packed as the trailer would have you believe, but it has a great opening and it’s a decent ride.  I say, go see it.  I give Seven Psychopaths 8 keggers out of 10.

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Oct17

Twitter in Focus: Lewis Black

by tonyd on October 17, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestants is one of my favorite comedians, Lewis Black!  Let’s see if his tweets are as funny as his stand up.

@TheLewisBlack

September 15th:  “I Love Milwaukee!”

You gotta eat at the Spy House.  It’s the only thing in Milwaukee.

September 16th:  “.”

Short, sweet and to the point.

September 19th:  “John Bowman and I did a very fun podcast with Mark Metcalf, listen here – http://bit.ly/S5uKry”

Nice.  Worth a listen.

September 20th:  “Thanks much to Michael Cavna ( @comicriffs ) for the profile in the @washingtonpost Magazine. http://wapo.st/PKIQz4”

When will Lewis get his multi-million dollar movie deal is the question.

September 20th:  “If you missed me @TheGreeneSpace this week, they’ve put it up on their site. Had a grt time w/Elliot Forrest so watch – http://bit.ly/PJuIcK”

Damn, Lewis, you’re everywhere these days.

September 25th:  “Not registered to vote? Register here: http://bit.ly/rtvlblack with @HeadCountOrg. Deadline looms. http://twitpic.com/awns63 #925nvrd”

Yeah, don’t want to miss the crappiest election in U.S. history.

September 25th:  “Thanks @mikeymusto for the interview in the @villagevoice http://bit.ly/RVJAHg”

Lewis Black on Broadway.  Great.  Now tickets are waaaaay expensive.  I say, get yourself a pair of leather pants and do an Eddie Murphy style stand up movie.

October 3rd:  “Will be on @CBSThisMorning, tomorrow, Thursday 10/4 sometime during the 8am hour.”

I’d be angry just to have to get up that early.

October 9th:  “Last day to register to vote in 17 states Register here: http://bit.ly/rtvlblack with @HeadCountOrg.”

I’m sure Dancing with the Stars has more registered voters.

1 hour ago:  “On @TheDailyShow tonight. 11pm Comedy Central.”

Kickass.  I’m so watching that.

Okay, Lewis isn’t doing much ranting on Twitter, but let’s face it, it’s hard to get up a good head of steam with just 140 characters.  I give him a 7 for Style, a 5 for Insanity and a 6 for Mustness.  That’s only a 6, but he is one of my favorite comics, so fuck it, I give him a 10.  Follow Lewis.

And if you has a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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