College courses can be stupid and pointless, but you’ll never see these no matter how much tuition you pay.
10: Avoiding College Loan Payments 101: This extensive course shows you the best ways to stiff your former college and leverage the bankruptcy laws to your fullest advantage. A special project includes groups of students practicing to fake their own deaths.
9: Preparation for Life in Your Parents Basement: This 15-week course covers everything from memorizing the best excuses for not finding a job, to hiding your weed and lying to women about your actual living conditions. A mandatory course for all Philosophy and Art majors, this helpful instruction will allow you to cope with real economic realities.
8: Winning the Lottery and Other Delusionary Shortcuts to Success: Already realize that everyone in college is smarter and better connected than you? Cut straight to your Hail Mary plan of getting rich quick. Why wait to begin dreaming of mega-millions for doing nothing? Whether it’s discovering a rich aunt that left you millions or uncovering a lost bar of gold in your garbage, this class will get your hopes high so you won’t even think about ever doing an honest day’s work ever again!
7: Advanced Collegian Justification: This is one of those blow-off courses where we watch popular cartoons and talk about them. The professor pretends it’s a real course, but we all know it’s just bullshit. You’ll cruise to an easy B+ with no work while watching reruns of Family Guy. We used to call it “Family Guy 101”, but the college took too much shit for it, so we changed the name to something academic-sounding and now, no one looks twice at it.
6: Prostitution Basics: Whether you’re buying one or going to be one, this course will prepare you for everything whore-related. Includes field trip to the worst section of collegetown.
5: Snowbank Penmanship: Writing Legibly With Your Pee: If you’re trapped in a snowstorm, this may be your last message to the world. Make it readable. Women may take this course pass/fail.
4: Boning Hot Freshman Girls on Campus for Freshman: Why it won’t happen and how to find decent porn on the Internet until you become a Senior, when it will.
3: Identifying Awesome Bud: Don’t let your dealer sell you another bag of stems and seeds. Learn to identify chronic that will fuck your shit up right.
2: The Crazy Chick: The Dichotomy of an Amazing Lay and a Bad Relationship: She’s a God Damned freak, but she’s also so hot. Measure just how much bullshit you will put up with for amazing sex. When to call it quits and how to leave her without having your dorm torch and your car windows smashed.
1. The Psychology of College Professors: Ever wonder why your unpublished writing professor is teaching writing? This course delves deeply into why those who can do and those who can’t teach and why you’re probably majoring in wasting your parents’ money.
Ten College Courses You’ll Never See
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2012
