I pitched for some conservative comedy site. Don’t know if they even read these, but here you have it. I think you’ll figure out about when I wrote these by the news stories they refer to.
Jokes about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2009
Hillary Clinton is auctioning off a day with her husband to raise money to pay off her campaign debt. The day includes meals, travel and a very uncomfortable visit to a cigar bar.
Secretary of State Clinton is also pledging 50 million dollars to Haiti to help that impoverished nation. In return, Haiti has agreed to destroy the voodoo doll that keeps making Dick Cheney give interviews.
President Obama gave a speech about the economy. He warned that there will be more job loss, more foreclosures and worst of all, another season of Two and a Half Men.
The First Family hosted the annual Easter Egg hunt. Unfortunately, it only lasted about two minutes. Due to the transparency of the Administration, Obama ordered all the eggs left in plain sight.
Obama is getting a lot of credit for ordering the shooting of the three pirates that held an American sea captain captive. The president said that the situation had gone on long enough and that the lifeboat the pirates were holding their hostage had been foreclosed on.
Bo is the new dog of the First Family. He is a six-month old Portuguese Water Dog. And just like president, he’ll be good to look at, will make a lot of noise, but in the end won’t really change anything at the White House.
Immigration is on the top of the president’s agenda next week. President Obama is expected to give a stirring speech outlining his immigration policy. I don’t want to say Obama’s weak on immigration, but most of the debate will be about whether or not illegal aliens should get a gift basket when they sneak into the country.
You know instantly the government position is completely useless when it’s named after the title that no other government on Earth uses anymore. Why don’t they just call him “Border Kaiser” or “Border Führer” or “Border Caliph”? No company would do that. It would be like a company hiring you to do security on their parking lot and saying, “Uh, I’m gonna call you Pharaoh of the Parking Lot. I don’t expect you to build any pyramids or sphinxes, but if you do…”
And Obama has eased the travel restrictions to Cuba. This is so that families can visit relatives. Some in Congress are even talking lifting the trade embargo so that the president can finally get that Che Guevara T-shirt he’s always wanted.
