Super Frat

Hey Bros.

Back in the day, Chris Moreno was a member of my improv group, the Ninjas. But even before that, we would hang out and riff comedic gold. This sketch was inspired by a Michael Cain video Chris saw where Sir Michael was teaching acting. For weeks, we kept doing the impersonation. Chris, doing Michael Caine. Me, doing Chris doing Michael Cain. Anyhow, we talked about doing our own web miniseries called “The Michael Caine Brothers”, where Chris and I both pretend we’re Michael Caine twins, even though we don’t look alike, but for some reason some people mistake us for twins. It’s still a work in progress, but with Chris and I on opposite coasts, who knows when we’ll get to do it. Anyhow, here’s the first draft.

The Michael Cain Brothers
in
Episode 1: A Case of Mistaken Identity
Copyright 2000, Chris Moreno and Tony DiGerolamo
written by: Tony DiGerolamo and Chris Moreno

OPENING CREDITS

ANGLE ON MICHAEL CAIN #1

MICHAEL CAIN #1 (Tony D) looks into the camera.

MC 1
My name is Michael Cain.

ANGLE ON MICHAEL CAIN #2

MICHAEL CAIN #2 (Chris M) looks into the camera.

MC 2
My name is Michael Cain.

TWO SHOT: MC 1 & 2

Back to back, the twosome address the camera.

MC 1 & 2
And we are, the Michael Cain Brothers.

ESTABLISHING SHOT, APARTMENT DAY

INT. MICHAEL CAIN BROTHERS APARTMENT-DAY

MC #2 is reading the newspaper. CHESTERFIELD, the brothers’ butler, enters with a drink for MC #2.

MC 2
Thank you, Chesterfield.

CHESTERFIELD
Of course, sir. Will you be needing
anything else, sir?

MC 2
No, but thank you anyway.

Chesterfield starts to leave, but then turns back.

CHESTERFIELD
Because if you want, say a sandwich. I
could make it. I have a degree in culinary
arts, sir.

MC 2 is already stopping him before he finishes his sentence.

MC 2
(anticipating offer)
No, that’s quite all right, Chesterfield. The
drink will be fine.

MC 1 ENTERS. He doesn’t look too happy.

MC1
(greeting)
Hello, Chesterfield. Michael.

MC2
Michael. How did your date go?

MC1
It didn’t work out.

MC2
With Janie? She seemed so nice.

CHESTERFIELD
And quite beautiful, I may say, sir.

MC1
I dunno. Perhaps it’s me. I remember
when I played Captain Nemo in the
1997 television movie of 20,000 Leagues
Under the Sea. I didn’t get the girl then
either.

MC2
Well, of course not! Nemo gets eaten
by the squid you tit! I remember when
I played Nigel Powers in Goldmember.
I used confidence to get the birds.
Confidence, Michael. It’s what you
need.

MC1
(sighs) Perhaps, you’re right Michael.
Chesterfield, could you mix me a Khalua
and Cream please?

CHESTERFIELD
I’m afraid we’re out of cream, sir.

MC1
(immediately leaving)
Fine, I’ll get it.

CHESTERFIELD
Uh, sir. I think it would be more appropriate
if I got the cream, sir. I am the butler.

MC1
That’s quite all right, you just do your job.

CHESTERFIELD
(calling after him)
But, sir, that is my job.

MC1 EXITS.

EXT. MARKET-DAY

MC1 comes out of the market with cream. He runs into JUDY.

JUDY
Oh, my God! Michael?!

MC1 turns. Judy is beautiful and he is struck by her beauty. It’s clear he likes her, but doesn’t really know her.

MC1
(not recognizing her)
Uh, yes. I’m Michael.

JUDY
It’s me! Judy, from 11th grade? God, you
haven’t changed a bit!

MC1
I’m sorry, I don’t—

SFX: Honk-honk!

JUDY
Oh, Michael, I’m sorry, my friend’s waiting
for me. Listen, we must get together. Here’s
my card. Call me?

MC1
Of course, but I’m not the Michael you—

JUDY
(rushing off)
Talk to you soon! Bye!

TRANSITION TO:

INT. MC BROS APARTMENT-DAY

MC1 finishes relaying the story.

MC1
And then she just got in her car and
left.

MC2
Judy from 11th grade! I don’t believe it!
Why she’d be perfect for you Michael,
just perfect!

MC1
Me? But it’s you she wanted. You went
to high school with her.

Chesterfield enters with MC1’s drink.

MC2
All you’ve got to do is set up a date with
her and I’ll tell you what to say. She’ll
never know the difference Michael.

MC1
I don’t know…

MC2
C’mon, not even Chesterfield here can
tell us apart.

CHESTERFIELD
(annoyed)
Of course, I can! You’re both completely
different and neither one of you look like
Michael Cain!

MC2
(a little condescending)
I think my drink is empty, Chesty, old bean.

CHESTERFIELD
Seriously, you don’t look anything alike.

MC1 and 2 both smile at him.

MC2
Chesty…

Chesterfield makes a frustrated face and takes MC2’s empty glass.

INT. VIDEO STORE-NEXT DAY

MC1 stands in the store waiting for Judy. He’s wearing a set of headphones. MC2 and Chesterfield hide somewhere in the store.

MC2
All right, I think we’re all set. Can you
hear me all right Michael?

MC1 gives the thumbs up.

ANGLE ON MC2 and CHESTERFIELD

MC2 is holding a microphone and transmitter.

MC2
Good.

CHESTERFIELD
Here she comes, sir.

MC2
Get ready, Michael. Say, “Hello”.

ANGLE ON MC1 and JUDY

JUDY
Hi, Michael.

MC1
(nervous)
Hello.

MC2
(over headset)
It’s wonderful to see you again.

MC1
It’s wonderful to see you again.

JUDY
Uh, why did you ask to meet at the
video store?

MC1
Uh…

MC2
(over headset)
I’m a big fan of movies.

MC1
I’m a big fan of movies.

MC2
(over headset)
And I thought we could watch a romantic
movie together.

MC1
And I thought we could watch a romantic
movie together.

Overhead, on the TV screen, “Blame it on Rio” is playing in the video store.

ANGLE ON MC 2 and CHESTERFIELD

They are watching from a distance.

CHESTERFIELD
(happy)
I think it’s working, sir!

MC2
Great, because I’m going to need a martini
after this.

CHESTERFIELD
I didn’t bring the bar with me!

MC2
Well, that’s why I brought you along. (and
then) Oh, no!

ANGLE ON MC1

Behind him the BLAME IT ON RIO MICHAEL CAIN says his monologue. MC1 repeats it right along.

JUDY
A romantic movie, huh? What kind?

BIR MC
(blue/grey color shirt with things across shoulder, no glasses)
I’ve always had a problem handling nudity.
I-I like it mind you. But it is troubling.
Anybody’s. Even my own. Sometimes,
when I’m getting undressed, I almost wish
I could leave the room. You know what I mean?

JUDY
Huh? What kind of movie did you want to rent?
Porno? That’s little much for the first date.

ANGLE ON CHESTERFIELD AND MC2

MC2
Dammit! I need to stop that movie!

CHESTERFIELD
I can do it, sir.

MC2
Dammit Chesterfield, I needed you to do your job!

CHESTERFIELD
But—

MC2 storms away.

ANGLE ON JUDY AND MC1

BIR MC is wearing a pastel collared shirt with blue and pink stripes. He’s wearing his large glasses.

MC1
(repeating with the movie)
There’s nothing to smile about. This will
give us a chance to straighten this thing
between us out. Once and for all.

JUDY
Are we having the same conversation here?

MC1
Jennifer? Are you listening to me?

JUDY
My name’s not Jennifer! And you’re the
one not listening!

Just then, MC 2 reaches up and turns off the TV, but he’s spotted by Judy.

JUDY
Oh, my God! Michael?

MC2 turns around. Both MC’s look embarrassed.

JUDY
Oh, my God. It’s like looking in a
mirror!

MC1
I’m sorry, Judy. This is my fault.

MC2
No, Michael, it’s mine. I’m the one
you went to school with, I just wanted
my brother to have a good time on a
date. We’re sorry we lied.

JUDY
Well, I guess you meant well. What
say buy you both a drink?

MC1
No, need. That’s why we have Chesterfield.
Chesterfield, three celebration martinis, please.

Chesterfield joins the group. His smile turns to a look of worry.

CHESTERFIELD
Oh, I’m supposed to just make drinks everywhere?
Do you guys even know what a butler does?!

MC1
(to MC2)
He’s not ready then.

MC2
No.

MC1 & MC2
(together)
You’re fired.