With Joan’s online fight with Lindsay Lohan, you know it’s time for a Twitter in Focus with Joan Rivers. Oh, yeah, this is where media comes to die. Can we tweet?
July 9th, 1:22pm: “@joanriversmovie “A Piece of Work” opens today in Baltimore, Memphis, New Orleans, St. Petersburg, Richmond, Santa Fe and Seal Beach, CA!”
Well, no wonder she’s Tweeting. No Philly?! Dammit!
July 9th, 1:56pm: “Tell me where you’re going to see @joanriversmovie this weekend!”
Apparently on that website that bootlegs movies ten seconds after they’re in theaters.
July 9th, 1:57pm: “Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.”
Ba-dum-dum! Lindsay Lohan said she’d take the fifth, but only if all five guys wore condoms! Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!
July 9th, 2:38pm: “Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.”
Lindsay is so stupid, when the judge asked to hear her plea, she said, “I wish I had gotten drunk before I came to court!” Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!
July 9th, 2:44pm: “I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.”
Wait a minute, that’s just her driving instruction book repackaged!
July 9th, 5:14pm: “Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.”
Meow, Joan. Meow.
July 11th, 1:03pm: “I hope everyone’s having a great weekend! I’m in Los Angeles with Melissa and Cooper having a ball spending time with them!”
Hmmm. I don’t get it.
July 12th, 10:54am: “Of course Russia still spies on us. When I was there, I felt I was being spied on–especially when the painting in my hotel room coughed.”
Later it vomited when you took off your clothes to change for dinner! Whooooa! Ba-dum-dum!
July 12th, 11:33am: “Here’s my dear friend John Pascarella (AKA Gossip Boy) and me after my Beechman show last week! http://twitpic.com/24oxv2”
Hold on Pascarella, with loafers as light as yours you’re likely to shoot off into the stratosphere if you let go. Ba-dum-dum!
July 12th, 11:46am: “ATTENTION SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA! I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino this Saturday, July 17th at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”
Yeah, walker on by after you’re finished eating at the Old Country Buffet. I’m not saying Joan’s audience is old, but the last time she played Louisiana, she offered a discount to Confederate soldiers. Ba-dum-dum!
July 12th, 2:30pm: “Hey, Bossier City, Louisiana! I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino this Saturday, July 17th at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”
I’m not saying Joan is old, but the last time she performed in a city, God struck it from the Earth and turned a young audience member into a pillar of salt. Ba-dum-dum!
July 12th, 4:34pm: “I read that BP has the world’s most dangerous platforms — if you don’t count Lady Gaga’s shoe collection.”
I’m not saying BP is dangerous, but not even Lindsay Lohan will let that company drill her now! Oh, callback! Ba-dum-dum!
July 12th, 4:54pm: “Thanks for the nice words!!! RT @michaelausiello Finally saw Joan Rivers doc. Moving, funny, inspiring—more than lived up to the hype.”
I’m not saying Joan is inspiring, but Lady Di actually came back to life to tell Joan how much she missed her hosting the Tonight Show. Ba-dum-dum!
9 hours ago: “Everyone’s still surprised Russia was spying on the US. In Russia, when you sit and talk to the walls, they answer.”
I’m not saying the Russians are spying on us, but bottles of Smirnoff are now coming with their own webcams.
7 hours ago: “This Saturday Night!! Bossier City, Louisiana, I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”
I’m not saying Joan is old, but the last time she did a show like this, her audience was still trying to learn to breathe on dry land. Ba-dum-dum!
4 hours: “Congratulations to Larry Thompson for acquiring the movie rights to Kitty Kelley’s unauthorized biography of Oprah Winfrey!!!”
And we care because?
4 hours ago: “Rumor has it they’re talking to Gabourey Sidibe, the star of “Precious!” She would play both Oprah and Gayle.”
Ah, the set up and punchline. Can’t do that one in a 140 characters.
Okay, let’s rate Joan’s tweets. I got to hand it to her, she’s putting some effort in to them. Not bad. For Mustness, I give her an 8, it’s fun. For Insanity I give her 7 and for Style, definitely a 9. That’s an 8 overall. Definitely follow her.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
