Hello, bros. Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Paul Feig, hilarious comedy director and creator of Freaks and Geeks. Let’s see if his tweets are just as hilarious.
November 22nd, 4:41pm: “Saw some nuns in white sneakers today. If you sing “nuns in white sneakers” to the Moody Blues’ “Knights in White Satin,” you’ll never stop.”
He’s right you know.
November 25th, 11:48am: “I’m too nervous to use Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, for fear I’ll turn into a baby. Isn’t there a Johnson’s Middle-Aged Man Shampoo?”
Well, then you’ll never use “Head and Shoulders”.
November 25th, 9:43pm: “Oh, man. I just accidentally brined my butt. (Hey, wait, I made this joke last year. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!)”
That’s no joke Paul. Every year, tens of people accidentally pickle parts of their body for the hilarious entertainment value of telling somewhere later. It’s all fun until someone accidentally put your pickled arm inside one of those Cuban sandwiches.
November 26th, 11:31am: “Sort of wonder if this time of the year is the only time that fat old guys with big beards get any kind of respect and admiration.”
Don’t forget Fat Tuesday. Plus I heard the Easter Bunny has really let himself go.
November 26th, 11:36am: “Be sure to look for my list of “The Top Ten Christmas Gifts Under One Million Dollars.” Number 5 – $999,999.99 gift certificate to the Gap.”
That’ll go towards that pair of $1.4 million dollar pair of solid gold khakis I want.
November 27th, 9:28am: “Shameless Black Friday plug: Need a gift for your reluctant reader? How about my book? It’s cheap and funny. Like me! ”
That looks like fun. You should have a little website to go with.
November 27th, 9:24am: “Watched the dog show & wonder why dogs can eat during their competition but not beauty pageant contestants. C’mon, ladies, file a grievance!”
I don’t know if Donald Trump would like that.
November 28th, 5:18pm: “Does going to see a play make people want to cough or do people who like to cough also like to go see plays? One word, friends – lozenges.”
Well, those characters from CATS do tend to shed.
November 28th, 7:16pm: “Dear Chinese-Restaurant-I-Just-Ate-At: If you play really depressing music, your customers become really really depressed.”
Plus all the fortunes say, “What does it matter? We’re all gonna die.”
November 29th, 12:02am: “Dear Old Navy: If your mission is to creep me out with your mannequin ads, well … mission accomplished!”
Yeah, I felt the same way about the movie.
November 29th, 4:45pm: “Great overheard snippet of cell phone dialogue on the street today: “No, when I was DRUNK. Let it go!””
Paul, no offense, but my mother’s cellphone conversations are private.
November 29th, 6:48pm: “There’s a Hooters by me but the T and the E on the sign are burnt out, so the sign now reads HOORS. Waitresses, I’d complain to the boss.”
That’s nothing. You should’ve seen what happened when part of the sign when out at the Cocksucker Pub & Grille. The only letters left spelled “Pu”. Embarrassing!
November 29th, 8:55pm: “If you’re in New York or going to be visiting, make sure you see the Broadway musical “Fela.” It is truly amazing. I swear. Scout’s honor.”
Yeah, Stephen Colbert was just talking about that last night on his show.
November 30, 10:18pm: “Tried to sing about jingle bells but then it mysteriously turned into an attack on how bad Batman smells. It was all very disappointing.”
Don’t take it too hard. He knows he smells.
December 2nd, 10:21pm: “Trying to build a snowman but this water won’t roll into a ball. I think it needs to be colder.”
Just wait until the sun’s solar flares die down. Then you’ll be gold.
December 5th, 11:49am: “Hey, my pal @, best selling novelist and writer of kick ass superhero comics, is on Twitter now. Follow him! He’s a great guy.”
‘Kay.
December 5th, 11:56am: “Cold & rainy today. Guess I’ll curl up in a theater & watch New Moon four times. And cry. And dream about marrying Edward. Uh … I mean …”
I felt the same way about seeing the movie 2012.
December 5th, 4:13pm: “I bought four pairs of shoes today. AND insoles. On sale. With a credit card. You’re welcome, economy!”
Don’t forget, Super Frat T-shirts make a great gift for the whole family.
December 6th, 10:37am: “Sunday? They should call it “Fun Day!” Because of all the fun we’re gonna have! Woo hoo! (Feig is attacked by cats, has terrible day”
That is unfortunate.
Paul, you’re a funny guy! Funny guy! No, not like a clown. No, I didn’t mean you amuse me like that. I meant, funny. Ya know. Easy, Paul. Easy. Now it’s time to rate Paul. I give him an 8 for Mustness (he updates regularly), 9 for Style (definitely has his own) and a 9 for Insanity (he’s a little nuts, this Paul). That’s an overall score of 8.6. Definitely one to follow. And if you have a suggestion for TIF, email us here!
with Tony DiGerolamo
