Oct25

Tony D’s DVD Reviews in Haiku: Anvil (The Story of Anvil)

by tonyd on October 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Metal band wants fame

For thirty years, no money

Documentary

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Oct24

Frat Boy At the Movies: Where the Wild Things Are

by tonyd on October 24, 2009 at 12:01 am

Where the Wild Things Are has a lot to offer in terms of a movie going experience, but it doesn’t quite gel.  In Spike Jonze’s defense, it’s difficult to take one of the world’s most beloved children’s book and turn it into a full length movie.

The pros:  Jonze perfectly captures being a little kid.  The scenes with Max in his real life are spot on.  You get a real sense of a child’s problems.  There are stresses in that world, even if grownups romanticize being a little kid.  It also doesn’t get tied up in the “how”.  Max leaves his house, hops in a boat and he’s in the place where the wild things are.

The cons:  Well, James Gandolfini is a great actor, but his voice coming out of the lead monster is weird.  It felt a little like the monster Mafia.  Jonze lets you draw the lines between Max and his fears and leaves the audience to fill in some of the gaps.  It works on some levels, but not on all.

Overall, it’s not an awful movie experience.  You really want this movie to be good and I think most viewers will find themselves pulling for Max.  Unfortunately, a couple of threads don’t quite connect and the finished product feels a little more like a TV special rather than a movie.  Plus it gets a little tiresome.  It’s never quite that funny or cute or dramatic and just kind of hovers in the middle.

I think if you’re a fan of the book, you’ll find it a decent homage.  It will probably be full of all sorts of DVD goodness and even in the theater, it’s a big enough movie to enjoy on the big screen.  But I think the movie is flawed in a way that leaves you a little unsatisfied at the end.  I give Where the Wild Things Are 4 out of 10 keggers.  Wait for the DVD bros.

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Oct22

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on October 22, 2009 at 1:00 am

sf-chris-avatar.jpg  with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors are so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The law of Greensboro, NC should all eat a long-distance dick for wrongly imprisoning, and then dragging through court, poor Jesse Ray Hardy Jr. in a case of mistaken identity.  BTW, jail was 160 miles away, and the judge, lawyers and bailiffs gave him a collected $58 for lunch and a bus ticket home.  The fuck?!  Though it is funny that they bought a guy named Hardy lunch.  But still– dicks in mouths for all!

— A Eustis, Florida mother and daughter were both jailed for fighting over the same man.  Jessica Marie Fixl beat a deep cut into her mother, Lisa W. Johnson’s, forehead, bringing police over to their home for the SECOND time that night!  Honestly, ladies, no man is worth mother-daughter fisticuffs.  I suggest a dick in the mouth for the both of them– something that probably would have averted this disaster in the first place.

— Mohammed Patel, the Briton who ran an insurance fraud ring, staging car crashes to win payouts to his co-conspirators, should find himself involved in a little collision I’ve staged… between a dick and his face.

— The U.S. Capitol Police officer who was found sleeping drunk in a woman’s bed after breaking into her home should find a warm dick sleeping in his mouth.

— I’ve got a hard-on (pun totally intended) for some justice against incompetent law enforcement this week, folks!  A virginia man arrested for indecent exposure after a woman and her 7-year-old, who were cutting across the man’s yard, spotted the man having coffee in his kitchen.  He was nude at the time.  It was 5:30 in the morning.  If the guy gets convicted he could face a year in jail and a $2,000 fine.  This cannot stand!  I, a great admirer of the power and majesty of the dick, can’t sit idly by and let this kind of travesty of justice prevail!  I’m calling in an air strike, people– a carpet bomb wave of dick to rain down on Springfiel, Virginia.  No one will be spared from the ensuing dickwave, especially the local law enforcement.  you’ve brough this on yourself, Springfield– arresting a man for being naked in his own house, called in by a woman who was trespassing on his property!

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

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Oct21

Twitter in Focus: Henry Gibson

by tonyd on October 21, 2009 at 1:22 am

Hello, bros and welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  We have an unusual tweet this week.  It’s those of the late Henry Gibson, character actor and comedian best known for his role in the Blues Brothers as an “Illinois Nazi”.  What will be your last tweet?  What is a last tweet like?  We’re about to find out.

He looks good for 74 doesn’t he?

July 30th, 3:34am: “Announcing the release of my lighter than air, radioactive, hyperbolic, turbocharged personal webiste in color http://tinyurl.com/ncknup”

What a bummer.  He just started exploiting the Internet.  That reminds me, I still can’t convince my mom to get an email address.  What old school thing will we resist in the future I wonder?  t-mail?  (Mail sent by telepathy.)

July 30th, 6:04pm:  “Just read Jason Epstein’s rave for Anthony Flint’s book on Jane Jacobs NYRB 8.13 what a woman! without her there’d be no wash. sq. park! Wow”

*google-google-google*   Interesting.  Henry was no dummy.

August 2nd, 7:15am: “Supermkt in-house bagels r not real no matter how much time they spend in the makeup room. They r counterfeits! Call Treasury Dept. now! PLZ”

I know.  It’s just like a roll shaped like a donut.  I had the most awesome bagels in North Jersey this weekend.  Unbelievable stuff.  Can’t go anywhere but the NYC/NJ area for bagels.

August 3rd, 2:50am: “My banker was broke so I loaned him a 100 bucks. He charged me double to borrow it back. Gift-handling fee? Chutzpah! The American Way. Oy!”

I don’t get it.  Oh, well.

August 8th, 2:22am: “A bottle washed ashore today with a message inside. It read “postage due, return to sender.” I complied. Thank God for forever stamps.”

Yeah, who would buy the other ones?

August 9th, 6:43am: “The best way not to repeat yourself is to forget what you’ve said as soon as you’ve said it. Or just before.”

Or, start every conversation in a different language.

August 10th,  2:18pm:  “My pal’s dog is a minimalist. It’s old age. Saves energy. One raised brow means “hungry.” Two: “starving.” He doesn’t pant. He pockets.”

Hey, want to hear a minimalist joke?  Fish.

August 12th, 8:24am: “Cars aren’t the biggest clunkers. Closed minds are. They rust, sputter, spew toxins & stop the traffic of ideas. Scrap ’em! $4500? Worth it.”

I guess, but I need my brain to breathe.

August 13th, 5:02pm: “Fame is fleeting Whole fleets sink every day. Plop. Plop. Who?”

Ladies and gentlemen, the tweet from the dadaist school.

August 16th, 5:21am: “e-Books must have some intrinsic value because God allowed Amazon & Sony & Adobe & Steve Jobs to invent them. Guess who gets top billing?”

Sony?

August 17th, 7:27am: “Bonuses are now the reward for failure. No wonder they attract so many screw ups. Never you. Never me. i guess we’re too good to fail!”

More like too good to get a reward.  Thinking the big thoughts, Henry was.

August 17th, 7:36am: “Tweets are the new poetry! Haiku? Less words, more time. Economy winds up costing more! I’ll stay home today and practice this new art form.”

I thought you were doing fine.

August 17th, 11:13pm: “Funny how dialogue we’ve said in movies pops up. Scanning a shelf of German beers at Vons a woman turned and said I hate Illinois Nazis!”

Ha!

August 18th, 1:23pm: “After a 5 yr feud w/Denny Crane & tossing him in the clinker, ever-kind William Shatner tweeted a ton of praise 4 my ringtones. What a man!”

Nice.  The Shat comes through again!

August 19th, 4:15am: “@WilliamShatner Thanks Bill, good suggestion. I feel validated already!”

Look at this, talking with the big dog.

August 19th, 5:56pm: “Happiness moves in a circular motion but I am perpendicular and so I am sad”

Interesting.  Trying to art up the twitter.  Tough gig.

August 24th, 5:21am: “Healthcare reform, stimulus packages & all other government involvement bring to mind an age old problem: who will police the police?”

I know, I’ve never trusted Sting.

August 25th, 3:10am: “People are saying that the spelling of “Inglorious Basterds” is meant to get better Google search results. This is Hinrie Gebzun.”

Heh.

August 26th, 1:06am: “About shots. Nurses says I have great veins. Is it vain to be vain about your veins at my age, or is my vanity in vain?”

Something that vein.

August 26th, 11:20pm: “See’s Candies r the ultimate. Creams, chewies, crunches put Belgians 2 shame. Warren Buffet was wrong on hedge funds but not on buying See’s”

*google-google-google* You mean these?

September 8th, 1:07pm: “I labored all day 2 come up w/ a clever labor day tweet but fear I’ve now belabored it, so true 2 the spirit of this day, I’ll labor no more”

Yeah, don’t over think it.

September 9th, 3:36am: “Lots of talk about 09 09 09, nine nine nine. Today is the day, 09/09/09. Or is it $9.99? Is it significant? Nein nein nein!”

Denied!

September 11th, 4:27am: “Grammarian H. W. Fowler stated: “Welsh Rabbit is amusing & right. Welsh Rarebit is stupid & wrong.” He understood grammar but not comedy!”

Or rabbits.

September 11th, 6:13pm: “No one M*A*S*H*E*D together a script or a screenplay or a Broadway hit like Larry Gelbart. R*I*P old friend.”

And that’s his last tweet.   It ends with a thank you from the family.  Interesting.  He was charging ahead with projects right until the end. Gotta admire that.  Illinois Nazis are nothing if not industrious.

Let’s rate the last tweets of Henry Gibson.  For Insanity, I give him a 4, he’s very level headed.  For Mustness, well, let’s call that a push and go right to Style.  Henry had lots, so I give him a 10.  That’s an overall score of 7.  You will be missed Henry.

And if you have a twitter you’d like to see picked apart here, send us the link.

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