Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. This may very well be the ultimate TIF column or it may be a total fake. Rumor on the Net is, this is the real Courtney Love Cobain, twittering her madness to the masses. Let’s see just how mad.
15 days ago: “knees one of em on Linda crest inf ront of theier illl named children( most of us couldnt avctually take a life) remmeber only 2% of all”
Okay, in her defense, we’re just jumping in here. We may be in the middle of a response tweet. Let’s give her a pass on this one.
15 days ago: “white collar crime is investigated inthis land and 0.28% gets convicted for very short times.You are no mor ethan Mike Tyson and a Pornstar”
What? Can you actually twitter while pushing the needle in your arm?
15 days ago: “i eman i would neevr write this book biut think about you knwo Skeet Ulrich, or Brian Singer, hey i never tell THE secrets guys calm down”
Someone get my a cipher, please. Oh, man I wish I had the time stamps on these. I think it makes a big difference whether these all happened hours apart or if she typed them all in like ten minutes. Probably the difference between “raving mad” and just “crazy”.
15 days ago: “but wouldnt it be cool even the price point, whose actually gay, te ones you DONT know and i DO or who does Crack Binges, I know and you don”
This looks like a response to something. Maybe she just refuses to put the @soandso next to her replies.
15 days ago: “t and i wont ever tell either, under any circumstances, but knee someone? a cpa for rippign off children? yeah its possible, i could do it”
I don’t know who “t” is. It’s hard to tell if she’s high, out of her mind or just really, really into her own little world. In which case, why post it on Twitter?
15 days ago: “but nt til im done touring for Gods sake i listened to this lawyer talking to my friend a judge and he refernced Oliver, as a bad thing,”
Okay, she’s on tour. So I’m guessing these tweets were all done one night when she was bored.
15 days ago: “hes a fine terrier although christ people are eyeball rolling at me hey he does the work i think hes just not clued in at ALL, i need a”
Here, I think she just kept typing after her 140 characters, finished her scrambled thought, noticed it didn’t all go up and said, “Ah, fuck it.” Then right onto the next one. Or maybe the twitter feed just keeps fading in and out as she’s typing? Or maybe her handlers just keep putting the iphone in her hands and taking it away?
15 days ago: “greyhound a german shepard and a rottwiler, pomeranians and terriers are just fine but not really ready to deal with my drama or yours”
Oh, I get it, she’s twittering to her dog.
15 days ago: “NOBODYS DAUGHTER SHE NEVER WAS, SHE NEVER WILL, BE BEHOLDEN TO ANYONE SHE CANNOT KILL YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW EVIL WE REALLY ARE”
And now she’s turned into Yoda. Use the Force, Courtney, force yourself to get some sleep.
15 days ago: “did basterds play? im cherring for it, i kinda like Mcevoy that poor mans fight club thing he did was he was smirky, start aband and surv”
She’s like a broken android that someone told, “Listen to me carefully, Courtney, I always lie and now, I’m lying.”
15 days ago: “ive? i think Gsling and Franco. and somehow @rustynts is in this film and if i directed i could only direct one actress, shes the iceblonde”
Wow, Courtney directing a movie. Now that’s something I’d like to see. Much like I’d like to see a mental patient direct airline traffic for two hours.
15 days ago: “i am so in love with her , bit i could live with he ron my avid for 3 years, easy, i meat a very smart girl named Peri Lyons, i like her!”
Run, Peri, run!
15 days ago: “oh jason your new BFF you did NOT you did NOT! ogh jesus Trenton! you did NOT and those poisonous perfumes are mine nd you know it”
This is the inherent paradox of people that want to be famous. They want to be famous so everyone is interested in them so they can ignore them. This is like the ultimate ignore in a lot of ways. You can see her conversation, but she doesn’t have to respond to you. It’s like you have to listen to her, but she doesn’t have to listen to you. But it’s all an illusion isn’t it? I mean, it’s just Twitter. I suppose it fills a (pardon the pun) hole.
15 days ago: “omg that is really sad and realy depressing man, i cant belive you would do that do dyou sell black berries too? wtf is up with you?”
Again, another response. She has all the power in this venue because without her, you don’t know the other relevant info.
15 days ago: “@JasonTrenton oh please tell me you arent surrpunding yourself with such sick shit, i mean i hope i am wrong so low end yoru so much better”
Here she actually addresses someone by name. I think this is probably the learning curve of first being on twitter. And then getting tweaked and staying up all night on Twitter. Just a guess. This is just so amazing, I’m going to put up every tweet.
15 days ago: “@jasontrenton its obvious that since my peeps have looked ubder yr hood faking your me to my fnds . youve been slagging 4 along time, ick.”
It’s like intercepting enemy code.
15 days ago: “its weird cos marc jacobs were texting re the fallout and cleaing our lives of negative psychic vampires so its really at a good time, bye”
“Negative psychic vampires”? Is that Scientology?
15 days ago: “im no t mentionign you or fghting with you , watch snow white youllsee yourelf lots, and have fun with dawn stealing my ideas and using my”
It’s Courtney mad libs! Insert your favorite novelty sex toy at the end of this sentence!
15 days ago: “fedex numbers and ordering phones using my name, the lawyers wull be in touch , wow you had a good salry too, “big love” wow.”
Uh, oh. She’s pulling out the lawyers. Watch out.
15 days ago: “okay i was just cozy w the bean and this rude evil queen starts up with me talk to blackberry but then again you know youd go to jail.”
Man, she seems awfully threatening. Isn’t it weird how someone that had problems with the law, now turns around and threatens others with it? I always pictured her more Jay and Silent Bob style. Showing up to your house and stomping you with heels if you dissed her too much online. Oops. Honey, can you answer the door from now on?
15 days ago: “so im going to say beth ditto is doing a leigh bowery on dazed cover and it looks cool beat me to shrimpton coutures upcycling! lovely!”
WTF?!
15 days ago: “made pme lov3ly blackberry tea and my firat dress from scratch with hel from my pleat guy, wonderful french bucol chiffons idid the dyeing,”I think she made a dress. But is blackberry tea code for “bucket of cocaine”?
15 days ago: “outliers waits and im only on chapter 2 teh 10000 hour rule amerex come on i have a good feeling about your solid i bet taurean ass!”
There’s some kind of youtube video with that name, but it won’t play. Still, what is she typing here. I may have to bring in a linguist.
12 days ago: “i am at the chat designing strange and very cool clothes i think and watching “anvil” wonderiing if Noel F Knows he has a BILLBOARD!”
All right, big leap to three days later. Could these be when she finally woke back up? It doesn’t sound like she’s sure of what she’s doing in this tweet. “i am at the chat designing strange and very cool clothes i think”. How could she not know that?
10 days ago: “its like 9 am for me myt clocks so fucked up from, the studi, guy ritchies about and theres hives of i didnt pause but i smelled like”G”
Is she touring England I wonder? Sounds a bit English today. Guy Ritichie? I dunno, Courtney. Don’t do to him what Madonna did. Keep him making English crime comedies. I could see you in the next Rock n Rolla.
10 days ago: “GIORGIO?OPIUM?POISON? since i was with one of my oldest by fate destinty and the msyttic law friend in la in the film business , as we”
I’m going to guess “Opium” is the key word in this tweet.
10 days ago: “im still high as hell from hering Keefs solos on “EXILE” that Don fantastical sweet lovely beautiful huge hearted Was was doing secret t … ”
High?! What? I’m shocked, Courtney! Just shocked!
10 days ago: “i cant say more i may get killed. but howoften do you find yourself truly HONOURED, “Exile” is the most important relationship most mus …”
Maybe she just runs out of energy at the end of the tweet and can’t finish. Then she falls over, forgets that she just tweeted and starts again.
10 days ago: “Perez i see your here, i think i now know where your gettieenng well i do know, what evil queen is feeding you nonsense, dude i dont want”
Yeah, Perez, don’t get paranoid. That’s, apparently, Courtney’s job.
10 days ago: “publically to get into my medication, but no its not that aterol nonsense, it abilify if you must know wich many millions of americans a …”
Should you really “publically get into medication” and tweet?
10 days ago: “its been a drag and a drag and a draaaag standing by the choice i made to let Beinhorn build beuatiful signture drums and bass, and the …”
Count with me, Courtney, 138, 139, 140! Stop!
10 days ago: “ANYONE GOT SOMETHING THAT WILL INSPIRE ME MUSICALLY AT THIS LATE HOUR?”
Yes, stop injecting heroine directly into your brain and get something to eat.
10 days ago: “I GOT he alot of confidence from hearing the stones Holy Grail of sloppy perfection this entire record is NOT “the Wall” and “Diamond Dogs””
Nothing else is Diamond Dogs, Courtney, on that we can agree.
10 days ago: “imgoing to Ratners im sure long ago dissapated party buttheye will be no paps so i can wear my clotrhes i cannot wear til the CD iots ve …”
You do that.
Whoa. I’m just a little bit exhausted, bros. Courtney sure knows how to entertain. Apparently, she got sued for doing some rant on her twitter against a clothing designer, so you may not hear much for a while. (By the way, all this is in good fun Courtney. Just comedy, ha-ha. Just opinion here, nonsensical opinion. No need to send the lawyers.)
Let’s rate her. It’s hard to rate her for Style because she seems so random and loopy. I’ll have to give her a 6. Mustness is easy, this is endlessly fascinating, but when will she type again? Who knows? I give her a 9. An Insanity, well, c’mon. This is the Queen of Insanity. An easy 10. Hey, it’s my rating system. Let’s give her a 12. That’s an overall score of 9. You gotta follow her bros. Thanks for playing Courtney. Good luck with, uh, that thing. If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
with Tony DiGerolamo
