Hello, bros and welcome to another edition of Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Dying is a topic our next contestant knows well being the creator of a famous homicidal maniac. Let’s welcome Jhonen Vasquez:
That’s what I like about Jhonen. He always goes for the comedy jugular, even in his avatar. Let’s see what’s on his mind.
April 5th, 5:12am: “Woah, woah, there, Chabbsy Steiner. What’s with the space suits? Just take a deep breath, grab a sponge and get the hell out there.”
Chabbsy Steiner? Let me google that. (clicka, clicka, clicka) No idea.
April 5th, 10:12pm: “Supanova 9? 10? I dunno…Just fuckin’ kill me.- http://tinyurl.com”/dlethj “
Ha! Jhonen you are the Hunter S. Thompson of comic book conventions. “20 bucks Australian. I’ll never forget whatsisface the cabbie.” You are full of awesome, JV.
April 5th, 10:50pm: “Going to check out Chrome Studios here in Brisbane. Mmm…video games. I hope they let me eat some.”
Wow, you get to go to an Australian convention and play video games. I am so jealous. Seriously, I am.
April 6th, 4:21am: “Krome Studios guys were great. Flailed like an idiot playing Count Dooku in hopes of beating the shit out of that awful Ahsoka girl.”
Damn, JV. Five straight hours of video games at a convention? Sign me up.
April 6th, 5:56pm: “ShortHorrorTheatre: A dracula has his proposal for a library design rejected only to be beaten out by a mummy with better connections.”
Makes senses. The pharoahs were buried with plenty of cash.
April 7th, 9:54pm: “Landing was a bit rough, scraped my knee a bit, but I’m back and ready for action. You’re not done with me yet, Chabbsies of the Earth.”
First, stay INSIDE the plane JV. Second, what the fuck is a Chabbsy?!
April 7th, 10:45pm: “360 leaps and barks happily at my return. PS3 sits in the window sill, gives me a nod. Wii runs on its little wheel in a cage, crapping.”
Man, the Wii really does do everything.
April 8th, 4:56pm: “Hard to forget Australia now that I’m back home mainly for the fact that I keep finding half dead Koalas in all the strangest places on me.”
Now, one could analyze this and say that JV is distant. That he uses comedy to hide his pain. I say, no, he’s a consumate performer. Dancing and juggling like a street monkey for our amusement. Dance, monkey! Dance!
April 8th, 1:40am: “Drawing desk calls to me, threatening everything I love if I don’t sit down and get to work. It could end my life with a single phone call.”
Are you hearing this Moreno? He’s just like you!
April 9th, 9:35am: “New 100 Chabsey Steiners, put on your bear suits, grab a laser rifle and get to the front line. Old shift, you deserve a hummus shake.”
Oh, right. Video games, food references— He must be baked out of his gord. Now it all makes sense.
April 9th, 12:03pm: “Off to scream at some people at an early morning meeting with people that probably shouldn’t show up since I’m only going to scream at them.”
I didn’t realize you had such a big staff, JV. You rule them with an iron fist. No wonder you have that avatar.
April 9th, 2:34pm: “When will development execs get that my puking while screaming and smashing things is part of my pitch?! Didn’t even get parking validated.”
Now I know why he needs to get high. Poor bastard has to deal with the suits at development. They don’t understand you, JV. Not like— Oh, wait, I don’t understand you either. Never mind.
April 10th, 7:06pm: “Another friday means another awful battle with that homeless man that shows up dressed in my old clothes that wants to take over my life.”
You mean you threw out all your Hot Topic clothes? What choice does the man have? The other homeless people have laughed him off the streets. You put him in an impossible position, JV.
April 10th, 7:08pm: “I can see him down the street, practicing by stabbing dogs with a sword fashioned from cans, a sick mockery of MY sword made from cans.”
April 10th, 10:33pm: “Since when is filling plastic eggs with insane killer bees and hiding them amongst various egg hunts full of laughing kids illegal?”
I know, right! Welcome to Barack Obama’s America!
April 10th, 11:00pm: “As far as I know, the kids were really digging it, the ones that weren’t suddenly sleepy and motionless anyhow. To hell with the law.”
Plus, if you get caught you can always have that homeless guy serve your sentence.
April 11th, 10:02pm: “A bit late, but new you new 100 Chabbsy Steiners gotta give blood to power the AC units in your new hell. Old crew, that’s right: MUFFINS.”
Hmmm, maybe the homeless guy took over your Twitter account.
April 11th, 10:07pm: “Giving up on gravity again. Just sick of it, I am. I ripped up my gravity card and was about to piss on it when I started floating away.”
April 11th, 10:08pm: “This means I accidentally pissed all over my bindle, packed with everything I thought I would need as a float-bo. A foul start.”
Damn, JV, I may just remove everyone else I am following on twitter and just follow your insane posts full time. This is like crack for the brain.
April 11th, 10:57pm: “Today, I am Jhonen Tweetstorm. No mercy for those with updates sent to their phones, you horrible fools. My deathtank feeds on your cries.”
Sounds like one of the X-men with the mutant power of making Twitter entertaining.
April 12th, 12:47am: “Can I borrow anyone’s gravity card? The whole quitting gravity thing made a great scene but now I’m really hungry and scared.”
Careful, you don’t want to get a card from someone fatter than you. You won’t be able to move. Although if you get a dwarf’s card you can walk like you’re on the moon!
April 12th, 6:20pm: “Happy Easter. Does the awful thing enter your house, lay hundreds of eggs on your bed and command you to force them upon the infidels, too?”
We’ve been through this, JV. The Easter Shiek isn’t real.
April 12th, 6:29pm: “A final grunt, the last glistening globe drops from its ovipositor, the tiny mouths in its eyes silent but agape. Yep, it’s Easter again”
April 12th, 8:28pm: “Will the world know I was responsible for activating the kids whose parents thieved my name for them, turning them into silent assassins?”
No.
Exhausting. JV it’s been a rollercoaster and anyone that doesn’t follow you on twitter should have their eyes bitten out by radioactive Chabbseys (whatever they are). Your glorious twitter postings have made me smile and wonder and think and maybe throw up in my mouth just a little. I give you a 10 for Mustness (because all must read it) a 10 for Style (which you certainly have sir) and a 10 for Insanity (which actually should be a 13, you’re quite mad, sir). JhonenV gets a perfect 10 score, bros. Follow him. To the Gates of Twitter Hell.
