Dec16

Twitter in Focus: Ashton Kutcher

by tonyd on December 16, 2009 at 12:01 am

Hello, bros!  Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Well, you knew it eventually would have to come to this.  Yes, bros, it’s time to look at Ashton’s tweets.  I’ve always been a fan of his from his days on That 70’s Show and Dude, Where’s My Car?.  (Do more comedies Ashton!)  His twitter following is the biggest, but are his tweets the best?  Let’s find out.

December 11th, 9:28am: “happy holiday season to you and your family = http://bit.ly/8wecrZ”

Jeez, those kids can sing.

December 11th, 10:38am: “classic http://bit.ly/4nbJe7”

Mrs. Ronald Regan?  Why don’t you let the son of the Vice President visit with Mr. T?  Little George W. Bush looks mad over there.  I hope he don’t grow up, become president and wreck the country because he didn’t get to meet Mr. T!

December 11th, 5:15pm:  “happy holidays, drew! RT @drew: In case you missed it: Greatest. Voicemail. Ever. http://bit.ly/6SQicI (Screw you Cancer!)”

Plus he won the lottery and ran over Osama Bin Laden on the way back from the doctor’s.

December 11th, 5:26pm: “digging out of this storm is going to be intense – http://bit.ly/6HhsJr”

How dare the storm open the doors and fill his car with snow.

December 12th, 7:11am: “don’t you hate it when your computer freezes http://bit.ly/8b4RfU”

Yes, yes I do.

December 12th, 4:43pm: “omg this is nuts http://bit.ly/6EqF1i”

That is pretty sick.  Sick in the “that’s pretty cool, bro” way, not “fish guts raining on a baby” way.

December 12th, 6:59pm: “do not try this at home http://bit.ly/8oAHCt”

Unless your home is on the roof and it’s on fire.

December 12th, 8:25pm: “Quickest way to fail while Christmas shopping… Stop at Umami burger”

Umami sounds pretentious, but looks pretty yummy.  You should just buy burgers for Christmas.  Problem solved.

December 12th, 8:33pm: “Best burger in LA hands down. http://twitpic.com/ta6m5”

Better than Fat Burger?  Than In and Out?  I dunno, Ashton, thems fightin’ words in L.A.  Plus, you West Coasters have no cheesesteaks worth to speak of.

December 13th, 12:12am: “Sean Parker and Ron Conway charity competition http://bit.ly/75I2y1 Team Parker = http://bit.ly/4YsOB1 Team Conway = http://bit.ly/4Smh3T”

You must be filled with the holiday spirit, Ashton.  You use your Twitter for the Light Side of the Force.

December 13th, 6:30am: “reinventing the wheel http://bit.ly/82wvxw”

Dude, you want some really funny links, try this Fail Blog.

December 13th, 1:03pm: “Spread is now available on itunes http://bit.ly/7HZxPX”

Nice.   But seriously, more comedy.

December 13th, 3:16pm: “Watched Precious last night. It was amazing but I won’t be watching it again. Painful viewing experience.”

I felt the same way about 2012.

December 13th, 6:21pm: “Stephen King to pay for troops’ holiday trip home http://bit.ly/5XyQ6b”

But it’s a haunted plane!  Wooooooo!

December 13th, 11:23pm: “I have a very serious meeting w/ Mike “The Situation” Pauly-D & Snookie 2morrow. They R teachin me how 2 B a Guido #jerseyshore”

Really?  They’re giving you asshole lessons?  Just take off your shirt a lot and be an obnoxious prick. Where were those guys when this happened?

December 13th, 11:37pm: “they are bringing shirts and hair gel. I’m gonna get Mike The Situation to give me a new ab workout”

December 14th, 9:58am: “very cool RT @avneron: pretty clear advertisers will take over this medium. Projection on Buildings on Boxee. http://bit.ly/66ahtA”

Neat.

December 14th, 10:03am: “if bob says so RT @RedHourBen: “RETWEET IT remix” from me & DeNiro http://tiny.cc/stiller (remixed by @douggpound) #STILLERSTRONG”

See? Bob don’t need no hair gel and ab crunches. Forget North Jersey, South Jersey is the place to go, bro. Especially Chef Vola’s.

December 14th, 10:37am: “A funny email from my Bro in Law worthy of a blog post Bad Parenting http://bit.ly/7lkW7E”

Ha! Nice. Reminds me of People of Walmart.

24 hours ago: “we are taking @katalysthq LIVE on Wednesday at 5:00 p.m. PT . . . catch up on the full season at http://bit.ly/cxOg8”

The future of TV, bros. All Internet.

15 hours ago: “at @katalysthq chatting it up with friends from Jersey Shore http://bit.ly/6sprke”

Got through about 20 seconds before I wanted to shoot myself. Worse than a knitting needle pressed through my eyeball.

14 hours ago: “more information about our LIVE @katalysthq episode http://bit.ly/7Cosis catch up on the season http://bit.ly/cxOg8”

The live link didn’t work and the second link is the same one. Well, you’re probably still shaking out the bugs.

11 hours ago: “lol RT @rhettmc: Tis the season to dress up like old rednecks playing Santa and an elf talking about prostates…wow: http://bit.ly/72B6PJ”

Nice.

Okay, time to rate Ashton’s Twitter. Insanity, I give a 4, he’s pretty mellow. On Mustness, I give an 8, definitely has up to minute tweets, plenty of links. Finally, Style, gotta go with 10. He’s always posting charity stuff. That’s using the power for good, bros. That’s an overall score of 7.3. Worth a follow, assuming you’re one of the four people on twitter that still don’t. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Dec15

Frat Boy At the Movies: Up in the Air

by tonyd on December 15, 2009 at 4:48 am

Bros, don’t freak out, but someone that worked on this movie may be working on the super secret Super Frat project I sometimes elude to.  You have to take my review with that in mind, but really, Up in the Air is an awesome movie.

George Clooney plays a guy who spends all his time perpetually traveling.  His job is to fire people so that corporate bosses don’t have to do it.  He’s got a lifestyle that has no connection to anything and a brewing book about his lifestyle.  But his philosophy is tested when he gets saddled with a new coworker and must show her the ropes.  Also, he starts a relationship with a traveling female saleswoman who is just like him.  In addition, he’s got to attend his sister’s wedding, which also puts his whole life philosophy to the test.

Any more than that, I can’t say without giving away the movie, but it’s really engaging.  Yeah, it sounds boring, but that’s just the description.  It’s hard to describe complex characters.  No, there’s no nudity or vampires or robots, but the characters feel very real.  Even Danny McBride’s turn as a reluctant groom feels very genuine.

It’s not laugh out loud funny, although it has many funny moments, it’s more of a thinking man’s drama.  The best part is, it doesn’t cop out with some pat, cliched ending.  It’s not a chick flick, but it’s definitely a good date movie.  (Your date will think you’re really smart for taking her to see this and if not, well, she can at least enjoy looking at Clooney.)

I give Up in the Air 9 out of 10 keggers.  There’s a reason it’s going to win some Oscars, bros.

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Dec10

Who Should Eat a Dick: Guest Column

by tonyd on December 10, 2009 at 12:01 am

sf-tony-avatar.jpg with Tony DiGerolamo

Every Thursday, Super Frat lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

Hey bros, Chris is crushing some mad deadlines again, so he asked me to fill in some dick.  Er, I mean—  Well, you’ve read the column before.  You know what I meant!

–  First up is this guy, who allegedly kidnapped and raped a prostitute, then sold her.  If this is true, you have violated the pimp code, sir.  For that, the punishment is to eat a dick covered in bright green velvet.

– Next is Wells Fargo, which apparently foreclosed on an animal shelter and wouldn’t let the owner tend to them.  Jeez, it’s a good thing no one left a baby in there.  Nice going Wells Fargo.  I have a special delivery for you; a package full of dick and fork.

– In Scotland, a babysitter that apparently got drunk and then fell into the road with a 2 year-old and a baby carriage full of booze.  Whatever happened to one popsicle, $4 an hour and cable TV?  Babysitter, you should be sent to bed early with a warmed over plate of dick.

–  And, hey, I like strippers as much as the next guy, but you don’t leave an 8 month old baby in the car while you go oggle boobies.  If this is true, “Father of the Year”, you’ve got a special plate of dick just waiting for you in the Champagne Room.

– And finally, to the douchebags that beat an eye right out of a kid, so he’ll never realize his dream of being a pilot, well—  Words escape me.  He was also a model, so now he can’t do that either.  Muggers, you’ve got a date with a plate of cock, fired from a potato gun by the one-eyed kid.  And May God have mercy on your dick-eating souls.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board

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Dec09

Twitter in Focus: Paul Feig

by tonyd on December 9, 2009 at 12:01 am

Hello, bros.  Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Paul Feig, hilarious comedy director and creator of Freaks and Geeks.  Let’s see if his tweets are just as hilarious.

November 22nd, 4:41pm: “Saw some nuns in white sneakers today. If you sing “nuns in white sneakers” to the Moody Blues’ “Knights in White Satin,” you’ll never stop.”

He’s right you know.

November 25th, 11:48am: “I’m too nervous to use Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, for fear I’ll turn into a baby. Isn’t there a Johnson’s Middle-Aged Man Shampoo?”

Well, then you’ll never use “Head and Shoulders”.

November 25th, 9:43pm: “Oh, man. I just accidentally brined my butt. (Hey, wait, I made this joke last year. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!)”

That’s no joke Paul.  Every year, tens of people accidentally pickle parts of their body for the hilarious entertainment value of telling somewhere later.  It’s all fun until someone accidentally put your pickled arm inside one of those Cuban sandwiches.

November 26th, 11:31am:  “Sort of wonder if this time of the year is the only time that fat old guys with big beards get any kind of respect and admiration.”

Don’t forget Fat Tuesday.  Plus I heard the Easter Bunny has really let himself go.

November 26th, 11:36am: “Be sure to look for my list of “The Top Ten Christmas Gifts Under One Million Dollars.” Number 5 – $999,999.99 gift certificate to the Gap.”

That’ll go towards that pair of $1.4 million dollar pair of solid gold khakis I want.

November 27th, 9:28am: “Shameless Black Friday plug: Need a gift for your reluctant reader? How about my book? It’s cheap and funny. Like me! http://bit.ly/iggy1”

That looks like fun.  You should have a little website to go with.

November 27th, 9:24am: “Watched the dog show & wonder why dogs can eat during their competition but not beauty pageant contestants. C’mon, ladies, file a grievance!”

I don’t know if Donald Trump would like that.

November 28th, 5:18pm: “Does going to see a play make people want to cough or do people who like to cough also like to go see plays? One word, friends – lozenges.”

Well, those characters from CATS do tend to shed.

November 28th, 7:16pm: “Dear Chinese-Restaurant-I-Just-Ate-At: If you play really depressing music, your customers become really really depressed.”

Plus all the fortunes say, “What does it matter?  We’re all gonna die.”

November 29th, 12:02am: “Dear Old Navy: If your mission is to creep me out with your mannequin ads, well … mission accomplished!”

Yeah, I felt the same way about the movie.

November 29th, 4:45pm: “Great overheard snippet of cell phone dialogue on the street today: “No, when I was DRUNK. Let it go!””

Paul, no offense, but my mother’s cellphone conversations are private.

November 29th, 6:48pm: “There’s a Hooters by me but the T and the E on the sign are burnt out, so the sign now reads HOORS. Waitresses, I’d complain to the boss.”

That’s nothing.  You should’ve seen what happened when part of the sign when out at the Cocksucker Pub & Grille.  The only letters left spelled “Pu”.  Embarrassing!

November 29th, 8:55pm: “If you’re in New York or going to be visiting, make sure you see the Broadway musical “Fela.” It is truly amazing. I swear. Scout’s honor.”

Yeah, Stephen Colbert was just talking about that last night on his show.

November 30, 10:18pm: “Tried to sing about jingle bells but then it mysteriously turned into an attack on how bad Batman smells. It was all very disappointing.”

Don’t take it too hard.  He knows he smells.

December 2nd, 10:21pm: “Trying to build a snowman but this water won’t roll into a ball. I think it needs to be colder.”

Just wait until the sun’s solar flares die down.  Then you’ll be gold.

December 5th, 11:49am: “Hey, my pal @bradmeltzer, best selling novelist and writer of kick ass superhero comics, is on Twitter now. Follow him! He’s a great guy.”

‘Kay.

December 5th, 11:56am: “Cold & rainy today. Guess I’ll curl up in a theater & watch New Moon four times. And cry. And dream about marrying Edward. Uh … I mean …”

I felt the same way about seeing the movie 2012.

December 5th, 4:13pm: “I bought four pairs of shoes today. AND insoles. On sale. With a credit card. You’re welcome, economy!”

Don’t forget, Super Frat T-shirts make a great gift for the whole family.

December 6th, 10:37am: “Sunday? They should call it “Fun Day!” Because of all the fun we’re gonna have! Woo hoo! (Feig is attacked by cats, has terrible day”

That is unfortunate.

Paul, you’re a funny guy!  Funny guy!  No, not like a clown.  No, I didn’t mean you amuse me like that.  I meant, funny.  Ya know.  Easy, Paul.  Easy.  Now it’s time to rate Paul.  I give him an 8 for Mustness (he updates regularly), 9 for Style (definitely has his own) and a 9 for Insanity (he’s a little nuts, this Paul).  That’s an overall score of 8.6.  Definitely one to follow.  And if you have a suggestion for TIF, email us here!

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